Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are Technically Married


In the words of Ne-Yo, ya’ll better grab somebody sexy and tell them HEY! because the end of times are UPON US! First, forever bachelor Georgie Clooney gets ENGAGED, and now, according to sources, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are legally married and they didn’t make any sort of fucking spectacle of it. WHAT IS GOING ON?!

I chose the above picture to represent this article as I feel like it perfectly captures the marriage that Kim and Kanye will have: Kim posing for pics she will later post on Instagram with Kanye being a sad cry baby over some bullshit in the background. “But Kim! I don’t wanna go zip lining! They won’t let me wear my leather sweat pants!” Wah wah wah.

Everyone and grandmother who has been dead for six years knew that Kim and Kanye were supposed to get married in a ridiculous over the top lavish ceremony in France later this month, but apparently American’s getting legally married in Paris can be a bit of a hassle, so they decided to legally marry here in the States first, while still going ahead with their big ceremony in France. Also, I love how I just wrote “here in the States” as if I’m not in fucking Canada. But anyway.

I looked it up, and apparently to get legally married in France, Kimye would need to have lived in the country for 40 consecutive days, and would need to provide two pieces of I.D. ? such a lease and a French social security card ? that proves you actually lived there. I get it, that sounds like a hassle.

So, sometime in the last few days the two got their marriage licence in LA, had a small, basically just legal ceremony, and are legally man and wife. However, their big May 24th French ceremony is still a go.

I feel like I am genuinely going to die of shock, because I did not think it was possibly for these two fame whores to do anything even remotely subtle. I mean, this shit hasn’t even showed up on Instagram and Kim and her sisters are allllllll over Instagram.

I feel like I’d be even more in shock if I wasn’t already a few glasses of wine in, so instead of preparing for some sort of apocalypse, I’m more like:


Call me when the big shit show of a wedding E! Special airs.