Kim Kardashian is the Most Giving Bitch on the Planet


Before we get started, I would just like to point out that I have no sweet clue whether or not the above picture is real Kim Kardashian, or one of those realistic wax figures. I’ve legit been mulling over it for five minutes! But anyway, Kim is all up in arms these days because she got dissed and called greedy when?it was revealed that just 10% of the proceeds from her eBay wardrobe auction were being donated to the International Medical Corps? relief fund for the victims of the Philippines Typhoon disaster.

In true Kardashian fashion, Kim released a big letter defending herself and pointing out just how much of a truly generous person she is. I kind of feel like if you really are a kind and generous person, you don’t have to announce to the world that you are. I don’t remember the last time Angelina Jolie or Mia Farrow released a news letter defending their humanitarian work, but I digress.

Kim, whose net worth is estimated at $40 million (WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DOES SHE EVEN DO OTHER THAN BANG ON VIDEO AND UGLY CRY?!), was widely slammed for not donating at least a little more than the minimal amount required by Giving Works, eBay?s charitable arm. However, Kim defends the low percentage by explaining how eBay auctions really work:

In regards to these eBay auctions, when the eBay numbers get broken down, the auction management agency that posts for me gets a percentage for all their hard work, then eBay listing fees, end of auction fees, eBay store fees, PayPal fees etc. All that add up to about half of the sale. Then I give 10% to charity? The people of the Philippines need our help, no matter how big or small.

Now, I’m no math genius, but that seems like 50% of the sale goes to eBay folk, 10% goes to the people suffering in the Philippines, and 40% goes to Kim? Jesus, thank god Mother Theresa is already dead because we’ve got a new living saint in town and her name is Kim Kardashian.

Kim also went on to tell us why she is such a beautiful, giving soul: “I do it because I want to. I do it because my dad taught me to. I do it because it?s the right thing to do.” Yes, if there is one person who can teach you about doing the right thing, it’s the guy who helped get O.J. Simpson off with murder.

I shouldn’t be so hard on Kim. I’m sure she needs that 40% way more than the people in the Philippines. Botox, nose jobs, and fur vests don’t come cheap! No one understands Kim Kardahian’s problems. No one.