I have always wondered that if I got close to Kim Kardashian, would she smell more like melted plastic or crappy spray tan?? Turns out I’d be wrong with either guess, and she actually gives off more of an eau d’urine?stench.? Yup, Kim Kardashian has admitted to not only pissing herself, but doing it more than once.
That’s just one snippet of gold Kim gave us during a new interview with 80s bush brow queen, Cara Delevingne.? It’s quite a different Kim than we have seen as of late, and I have got to say, I think it may actually make me like her more. So Kim Kardashian has once again decided to get naked in a magazine, except this time she actually gave an interview worth taking 5 minutes out of my very important life to read.? In the newest issue of Love, Kardashian was interviewed by model and sometimes partaker in drunk girl make-outs, Cara Delevinge.??? The usually very calculated (and let’s be honest boring) Kim Kardashian that we have seen in interviews lately seem to have thrown all her fucks to the wind for once, and I have to say I love it. It’s a raunchier, more f-bomb dropping Kim that you’d expect from someone who keeps showing her labia in print.? I don’t know if Kanye was busy that day praying to his Beyonc? shrine, or if Kim took one too many Quik Trim, but whatever caused her to be so open is certainly appreciated.
Some of the best parts of the interview include not only the pissing reference above, but her feelings on penises and her career. Let’s highlight these, shall we?
On Spanx and their crotchless options?(which was brought up by Delevinge who admitted that she recently started wearing them.? Can we pause for a moment to ask why an almost 6 foot tall woman who weighs maybe 115 pounds is wearing a fucking shaper?? Really? Anyway…)
?”Oh, the ones where you can pee? But I always pee all over my Spanx, it’s a disaster. They aren’t crotchless enough!”
I will refrain from making any sort of deeply vulgar metaphors comparing Kim’s vagina to a crater or geyser. I will giggle though?and remind you all that this is not the first time the words “piss” and “Kim Kardashian” have appeared in the same sentence (or screen shot) together.
Cara then asked Kim some very important questions for those who have not seen her sex tape, and inquired as to her favorite position.? Turns out, Kim is team “from the back” which makes a lot of sense.? I certainly wouldn’t want to watch the guy I am banging?just stare at himself in a mirror the entire time.? Bad enough he probably calls you by his own name in bed.? Narcissism everywhere.
Kim also threw in the Kanye?directed line that?the penis can never be big enough for her. Again, I will refrain from any hot dog/hallway jokes.? I can be mature.
But woah woah woah.? Just because Kim takes her clothes off for a free pocketbook and makes sure to constantly remind you that her body is her best ASSet, do not think that means you can still bring up her sex tape.
?“Maybe that’s how some people heard about me but I didn’t launch my career off of that. That was 12 years ago, no 13 years ago now, so I just try to move on and put it in the past because I think that everyone in life does things they’re not proud of but you can’t sit and dwell on them forever.”
That’s right!? She really started her career piggybacking off of Paris Hilton as a replacement BFF for Nicole Richie.? Is it better to be known for that?? Also, I feel like it is kind of hard to want people to forget you blew up from being naked on camera when you are still constantly getting naked for the camera.? But fucking logic man, it’s not for everyone.
I do, however, have to give?props where props are due, and Kim’s?comments about what she wants to tell people who ask what it is?she actually does for a living is fucking hilarious.
?When someone asks me, ?What do you do?? under my breath I want to say, ?Ask my f?king bank account what I do.? But I would never say that to someone?s face.?
Yea, I probably would.? And flash my AmEx Black.? I also fully own my shallowness though, so maybe Kim should take a cue from moi.
All in all, it’s not the worst interview I’ve seen from Kim.? Some of the pictures though are just…Ugh.? It’s a lot of labia.