Kids, Don’t Be A Sloppy, Pink-Haired Drunk Like Lily Allen, Says Lily Allen

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It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.

Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.

And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.

Lily Allen’s appearance at the Glamour Magazine Awards in London earlier this week confirmed that if anything is constant in this world, it’s that celebrities will continued to get hammered in public and have to be carried off by some burly bodyguard, or something.

Lily Allen arrived at the awards with hot pink hair and accepted a special award from the editor for her ‘multi-faceted’ career.

So, according to the editor of Glamour magazine, the many facets of Lily Allen’s career that merit awarding are a crap TV show, being pregnant, not being allowed into America even though the words on the Statue of Liberty say they’ll take all the people no one else wants, not being pregnant anymore, and belting out a song here and there.

Sometime after accepting her award for having lots of facets and stuff, Lily Allen had to be carried out of the party after having a few too many drinks. It’s okay, though. She’s real sorry about it. Honest, you can officially read about it on her official MySpace blog. She officially writes:

“… I’m putting my hands up, I got very drunk last night, too drunk. It’s not cool getting that drunk. Kids, drink responsibly or you’ll end up looking like this, not pretty!”

That’s right, kids. You drink too much and you’ll end up looking like Lily Allen. Maybe Lily Allen’s parents drank too much and that’s how Lily Allen ended up looking like Lily Allen. Yikes. That’s enough to frighten anyone into sobriety.

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Comments

  1. Pico says

    Dear Annette Hyde,
    Can you please post a photo of yourself? I’d love to see how you compare to the cute Lily Allen. You know, the whole “judge not lest ye be judged” thing?

    Why is it that this site’s apparently winning formula is to bitch about how everyone and everything sucks ass. You claim to have 130,000 daily visitors yet people rarely leave a good comment? The few comments you do recieve are from people disagreeing with all of your views.

    BTW, she didn’t just stop being pregnant, she had a miscarriage. Stop being such an insensitive bitch. This blog has crossed from sarcasm and satire to being plain wrong and controversial for the sake of it. Please give up and leave it the people with real opinions.

  2. Snapper Winsten says

    Here here, leave it the people with real opinions. More beautiful words were never spoken. Shut up Pico.

  3. says

    Pico Says:
    Bla, Blah, bla….

    Dear Pico,

    In a world of political correctness and treading on eggshells in case you happen to slightly hurt the feelings of someone in Outer Mongolia, it makes a refreshing change to be able to read about the cardboard cut out lives of celebrities and such, written in a tongue in cheek, light hearted and amusing manner.

    If you don’t like it, why don’t you start a campaign? Or read the New Socialist instead?

    From one of the many readers who rarely leaves a comment, as they are too busy enjoying a good read and a welcome laugh.

  4. David Bryden says

    Speaking as a chicken, I am offended by the phrase “treading on eggshells”.
    Cluck.
    Also, please don’t repeat that saying about omelettes.

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