The sight of Britney Spears lifelessly staggering around during her blown MTV VMA comeback routine did a lot of strange things to a lot of people – like Kid Rock, who's been cited for battery after punching Tommy Lee.
Reports are suggesting that, at some point during last night's MTV VMA show, Pamela Anderson's ex-husbands Tommy Lee and Kid Rock got embroiled in some kind of schoolgirl slap-fight that ended when Kid Rock punched Tommy Lee, who was then dragged off by security. As yet, nobody is really sure what caused the rumpus between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, but we've narrowed it down to two choices. Either Kid Rock and Tommy Lee were fighting over Pamela Anderson or they were having a tussle over which of them is the biggest clod-headed purveyor of overcompensatingly macho music that only friendless bell-ends really like. Let's hope it wasn't the latter – it'd be impossible for anyone to decide.
Pamela Anderson is a strange person to be attracted to, don't you think? Take away the bleached hair and the fake boobs and you're left with a Hepatitis-ridden twice-divorced mother of two with a failed movie career and an unusually strong love for Canadian seals. Wonderful. But that doesn't stop Pamela Anderson from being a magnet for men everywhere. Men with long hair and tattoos. Men who consistently surprise others when they manage to piece together a sentence of more than three words. Men who like to fight.
Men like Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Now, we get the impression that neither Tommy Lee or Kid Rock is especially quick on the uptake – in the past Tommy Lee has actually blown himself up by accident while Kid Rock likes to dump girls via text message – but it seems as if Kid Rock and Tommy Lee being in the same room together somehow reduces both of their IQs by about 30 points, leading to the fight between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee at last night's MTV VMA awards that almost overshadowed Britney Spears' cock-awful VMA performance. The Associated Press reports:
Eyewitness, rap producer Rich Nice, said although Kid Rock threw the only blows that landed — a backhand slap and a punch — Tommy Lee was the instigator. "It looked like Tommy Lee initiated it because Kid Rock was ignoring him," said Nice, who was two tables away. "And Tommy Lee kind of antagonized him. And then when Tommy Lee stood up, it looked a little weird, like 'Yo, what?'" "When Tommy stands up is when Kid hit him the first time with a backhand," Nice continued. "And then Tommy Lee looked like he was trying to get at him to aggressively retaliate and then Kid Rock hits Tommy Lee again — bong. And then security grabs Tommy Lee in a headlock and pulls him off."
Now, despite Tommy Lee being the one who was dragged away by security, Kid Rock has been cited for misdemeanour battery for his part in the fight – and could spend up to six months in jail for it, although this is unlikely. But, of course, both Tommy Lee and Kid Rock have a lot to be envious of each other about, which probably helped to start their MTV VMA fight. For one, Kid Rock is probably jealous that Tommy Lee fathered Pamela Anderson's children while Tommy Lee is probably jealous that Kid Rock got to marry Pamela Anderson so often.
But, for now at least, it looks like it's Kid Rock who'll be taking the punishment for the fight. And who can blame him for having a chip on his shoulder? After all, Tommy Lee's internet sex tape was with Pamela Anderson – then one of the most desired women in the world – and Kid Rock's internet sex tape was with Scott Stapp. You'd be feeling a fighty if you knew that was going to be your legacy too, wouldn't you?
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