We might all be trapped on this poxy little island by a ruddy great volcano, but it’s a great week to be British.

Look at How To Train Your Dragon – featuring the voices of several British-born actors and still number one at the weekend box office. Kick-Ass. Written by a Brit, directed by a Brit and second at the US weekend box office. Then look at Death At A Funeral – a remake of a British comedy and fourth at the US box office. Clash Of The Titans – starring hundreds of British actors, based on a 29-year-old classic that was directed by a Brit, full of British actors and fifth at the US weekend box office.

And Date Night was third at the US weekend box office – dates are a traditional crop of Morocco, the location of a recent Jamie Oliver television programme. Where is Jamie Oliver from? That’s right – Britain. Hooray for bloody us!

So Kick-Ass couldn’t quite manage to become the number one movie at the weekend box office. That’s a shame. That film has everything – humour, heroic behaviour, breath-taking violence and a little girl who says bad words a lot. Some corners of the press have insinuated that only paedophiles would like Kick-Ass, and you know what they say – America is nothing if not a nation packed to the gills with paedophiles. Which we can totally say because what are you gonna do, fly over here and beat us up? You can’t – good old Volcano Eyjafjallajökull wins again. You’re our hero, you great big misery-inducing, economy-crushing volcano!

Anyway, here’s the US weekend box office top five…

1 - How To Train Your Dragon (Having finally seen this film, it seems as though the first stage of training your dragon is to chop half of its tail off. We’re very much looking forward to its sequel How To Mutilate Your Pony) $20,000,000

2 - Kick-Ass (Is Kick-Ass the film that’s going to stop everyone shouting “McLovin!” at Christopher Mintz-Plasse every day for the rest of his life? No. No it isn’t) $19,750,000

3 - Date Night (Apparently Date Night didn’t end up as the weekend box office number one like we said it did a week ago. Please alter your lives accordingly) $17,300,000

4 - Death At A Funeral (A remake of a very funny British film that now stars Chris Brown, so you can guarantee that it’s mainly full of Chris Rock shouting the same phrase 15 times in a row at the top of his voice) $17,000,000

5 - Clash Of The Titans (The scariest monster in Clash of The Titans? Liam Neeson‘s head. The way it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be in the foreground or the background compared to the rest of Liam Neeson’s body was terrifying. Terrifying) $15,770,000

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