Just when you thought Kevin Costner couldn’t get any less interesting, comes news that he and his second wife Christine Baumgartner have again genetically replicated themselves.

This time producing a squealing, pooping life form remarkably named Hayes Logan.

Pinch us. The numbness is spreading.

Kevin Costner is just plain fascinating.How else to describe someone who has the creative capacity to produce fine films like Dancing With Wolves and Open Range, yet chooses to sadistically torture the entire planet with epic foul-smelling turds like Waterworld and the Postman? Yup.Kevin Costner sure is an enigma wrapped up in a, um, thing, of absolutely no interest to anyone.

Disregarding the fact that the nervous system of every sentient bring on earth flatlines at the very mention of his name, Kevin Costner has publicly announced the arrival of his sixth child, Hayes Logan Costner.

Costner recently told AP radio that he chose the “great Western name” Hayes after a cowboy character in a Western film he will soon produce. Hecklerspray readers may recall that in May 2007, Costner named his fifth child, Cayden Wyatt Costner with the middle name clearly referring to his 1994 movie Wyatt Earp.

Gripping stuff for sure, and even more so, considering Costner’s Native American ancestry. One might be forgiven for pondering how Kev’s odd obsession with cowpokes and tumbleweeds would sit with his paternal grandfather who was half Cherokee.

But let’s not go there. Kevin Costner, we thank you for your selfless dedication to preserving an American tradition—that of vacuous, self-absorbed celebrities congratulating themselves for dreaming up pointless baby names.

As to rumours that the Costner clan has its sights set on lassoing yet another lil’ buckaroo, all we can say is Judge Gabby Slim “Hoot” Costner: the world awaits you.

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