Kevin Bacon’s Dog Bit His Penis

Kevin Bacon, epileptic dancer and star of The Woodsman, has recently adopted a dog named Pauly with his wife Kyra Sedgwick. It’s not an Ethiopian baby, but then not everyone’s got Angelina Jolie’s stamina, have they?

"Pauly loves to catch frisbees and catch balls and he loves rubber chew toys." Kyra told Jay Leno while standing in the bus queue.

“Kevin, knowing this, whenever he’s walking around naked, always says, ‘This is not a rubber chew toy,’ for fear that the dog might get confused.”

We’ve looked into this, and it seems that Kevin Bacon’s fear of his dog biting his old man off has a scientific name - Penis Panic.

A fan of baring all in his movies (Wild Things – you don’t even need to freeze-frame), it transpires Kevin Bacon (DVDs) also likes to do the same in real life.

Though a dog mistaking his balls for a chew toy?! Bit paranoid if you ask us.

"I thought he was unduly paranoid about it," Kyra added, making us wish we spent more time using a thesaurus.

"Then one day he was playing with the dog - thankfully he had on a bathing suit - and at one point the dog put his head in his lap and I heard Kev scream and say, ‘That is not a rubber chew toy!’ I guess he got a little confused."

And if it wasn’t for Kevin actually wearing some clothes for a change little Pauly would have given little Kev a right good seeing too, we imagine.

We’re saying nothing more than this: if you’ve done a movie about a paedophile, where else have you got left to go?

Good Lord Kevin, that’s one Beethoven remake that isn’t gonna be for the kids.

[story by Chris Laverty]