She’s been filmed giving birth and having her boobs hacked open, but now Kerry Katona is planning something even more horrifying.

We’ve saved this post until late in the day because we’re genuinely worried that, if you read it in the morning, it’d be too much to bear and you’d end up fatally attacking yourself in the face with the nearest piece of office equipment. So, now that we can only ruin a small part of the rest of your day, here goes.

Kerry Katona wants to relaunch her singing career. We know, it makes us want to cry too.

You know, we’re not sure that we trust Kerry Katona any more. Just take her infamous slurred This Morning interview last year. In the interview, Kerry Katona denied that she was an alcoholic – and then, a few weeks later, she reversed her decision and admitted her alcoholism to a newspaper.

Also in that interview, Kerry Katona answered a question about her possible return to music by saying “No. No. I wouldn’t do that to you poor people.” That’s a statement that’s entirely at odds with a report in yesterday’s News Of The World which claimed that Kerry is in fact brewing up a plot to resume her singing career. Look:

Kerry Katona is re-launching her pop career… And get a load of this — the airhead wants to WRITE her own songs too. Yes, this is the same Kerry who can’t sing, the same Kerry who murdered karaoke on that dippy MTV show of hers… An MTV insider confirmed: “It’s all Kerry’s idea and we’re going to be along for the ride.”

Oh excellent, Kerry Katona is going to dip her toes back into the music industry. You’ll remember that, before she made the transition to being the worst woman on the face of the planet on a full-time, professional basis, Kerry Katona used to be a member of Atomic Kitten. Or maybe you don’t remember that, since nobody had actually heard of Atomic Kitten until the other two decided to boot Kerry out.

But anyway, read that paragraph again. That’s right – MTV is involved in Kerry Katona’s plan to relaunch her singing career. Jesus, haven’t we had enough Kerry Katona MTV documentaries already? We’ve already seen Kerry Katona smoke during her pregnancy, Kerry Katona have her knockers chopped up by a surgeon and Kerry Katona literally push a human being out of her vagina for the sake on entertainment – surely letting her sing in public is a step too far. Because, short of making a documentary about Kerry Katona deliberately driving a car into a tree at full speed while screaming “Are you happy now, world?” there aren’t many place you take this format, really.

But back to our original point – we can’t trust a thing that Kerry Katona says. She’s not an alcoholic and then she is one. She’s not returning to music and then she is. What else did Kerry Katona lie about in that This Morning interview? She also said “AMMA TWENNYATEYERAWLD WOMMA!” in the interview at one point, but can we even believe that any more? Are you, Kerry? Are you really a twennyateyerawld womma? We find it hard to believe, frankly.

Read more:

Kerry Katona’s Back – NOTW

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