Kerry Katona To Open Caravan Theme Park. Pikeys Not Included.

Are you a parent and wondering what do to entertain your children this summer?

You could be like everyone else and do the same activities. Trips out to the overpriced cinema, fattening up your children at McDonald’s or even a day trip to the countryside to step in fox shit and get stung by stinging nettles.

One of the more popular things to do is visit a theme park. Alton Towers, Lightwater Valley and Thorpe Park are just some of the many attractions offering white knuckle rides to thrill seekers. Only problem is that these places are always full, and two hours queuing for a four-minute ride doesn’t really seem worth it. But fear not mummy or daddy, this year your youngsters will be pestering you to go to newest theme park that set to open: Katona Land.

Everyone knows Kerry Katona - she’s famous for not really being famous but was vaguely famous a long time ago. Still, it’s always a pleasure to open a Sunday newspaper and see what latest problem has affected the person who decided it would be brilliant to introduce her fourth child in to the world by filming the occasion and broadcasting it on MTV.

Other notable problems of Kerry’s have included multiple accounts of drug taking, stints in rehab, drinking and smoking through a pregnancy, parents who’ve whoring her out for magazine and book deals, rows with ex-husbands over child access, allegations of cheating concerning her current husband and countless squeals of the press invading her privacy.

Phew, is that everything? Still, filming and broadcasting her life on TV probably wasn’t the best move Kerry’s ever made but, hey, we’re not fame grabbers! In a rare moment of positive news, Kerry has decided to set up her own business! Digital Spy reports:

“The celebrity couple are reportedly looking to set up their own Butlins-style entertainment resort on the Orkney Islands. Kerry is a born entertainer and she plans to give this her all. The two of them have talked about the possibility of putting on light entertainment shows and greeting campers with Hi-De-Hi!-style announcements.”

Umm… great, get us our ticket now! What fun it’ll be for Kerry to belt out the few songs she sang with Atomic Kitten in front of a handful of bewildered pensioners. Her husband can give lifts round the islands or something; he is a taxi driver after all. Don’t forget to tip though - we’re sure they need the money.

We aren’t sure of admission charges to Kerry Katona’s holiday park, but we imagine it’ll either be £10 for kids, £20 for adults or if you’ve got it, a decent bag of cocaine. Oh, allegedly.