Of all the celebrities in the known universe, Kerry Katona has to be one of the most gaspingly awful. She couldn’t really sing, can’t really muster up the acting talent to get through an Iceland commercial and is only ever on the radar elsewhere when she’s making a mess of her life.
There is, naturally, a human under all this, but that shouldn’t stop us from being idiotically nasty about her because basically, that’s our job… just as hers is to provide us all with the ammo to throw back at her.
And so, what’s she up to now? Well, she’s actively encouraging us to sharpen our arrows and prime our slings as she’s ranted and spat about Wayne Rooney’s alleged infidelity with a prostitute, dubbing it “absolutely disgusting”.
In fairness to Katona, she is right when she says that Wayne Rooney’s sexing of a lady of the night is disgusting. However, any sexual activity involving simiantastic Rooney is going to be disgusting. Imagine him bearing down on you, grunting like a pig in a sack, beads of swear running down his sloped brow as he tries to form rudimentary words while pawing at your flesh.
Katona, however, speaking in her OK! column, is saying that she’s sympathising with Coleen but wouldn’t allow herself to remain in a relationship in those circumstances.
“It's absolutely disgusting what Wayne Rooney has allegedly been up to.
“It's really hard for Coleen because they've got a kid and that family brand but you shouldn?t put up with that.”
“I couldn't tell her to leave him – she's madly in love with him and they have a child – but you've got to have respect for yourself because if you don't, no-one else will.
“I'd rather be happy and single and respect myself than be in a miserable marriage where you get walked all over and put up with so much.
“I want a better life for my kids. That's why I walked away.”
That’s all well and good Kerry, but wanting better for your kids is a bit rich, seeing as you’ve been widely criticised for smoking and boozing during your pregnancies. Not to mention those dodgy snaps that appeared in one tabloid that suggested you had huge bags of coke lying about the house at a particularly child-friendly height.
Although, that all said, Katona could force the legs of her children through a wood chipper and it still wouldn’t be as disgusting as Wayne Rooney having sex.
Nope. You’re right Kerry. As you were.