Hecklerspray has often wondered: when Greek divine being Lauis fathered Oedipus, did he look into the eyes of his child and realise what tragic moral carnage the youngster would one day imprint upon ensuing centuries of mythology and popular culture?

Oh, alright, then. You got us. We don't wonder about that at all. What we do often question, though, is a dilemma along similar lines: when the father of ex-Atomic Kitten 'singer' Kerry Katona heard that he had sired a daughter, did he in any way suspect that she would grow up to be a despicable, Lambrini-for-brains halfwit who would gladly drink a pint of diarrhoea if it guaranteed her ten minutes of televisual exposure?

We may well find out soon. Bus driver John Dowd has announced to the world that he believes himself to be Kerry's daddy. Apparently – much like a self-imposed Nuremberg trial – he's all too willing to come forward and take responsibility for the results. The horrible, horrible results.

Kerry Katona herself is more than happy for Dowd to prove this via a DNA test – yet, in typically self-promoting fashion, she's announced that she wants the procedure filmed and broadcast on her MTV reality show Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love.

Not that this is surprising in any way. Quite unlike anyone else on the planet, Katona seems determined to document every single moment of her life via the medium of lowest-common-denominator trash TV. In fact, hecklerspray confidentially expects ITV2 to snap up Katona: The Sleep Diaries, a live nightly show in a which a team of cameramen stand around Kerry's bed and film her snoozing. Oh – and probably occasionally stirring to mumble something like "Can I have more money, please, I'll do anything," or "The baby's kicking, maybe a spliff will calm it down."

John Dowd is unhappy with the idea, though. He's been approached by the production company behind Katona's show, and claims that:

"It's like blackmail, it's unbelievable. They're basically saying, 'If you don't do it on TV, then she won't do it.'"

Maybe, Johnny-boy, that's exactly the way it should be. Face it: if you find out that you are Kerry's father, it's all too likely that you'll suddenly suffer a horrific pang of guilt while driving the 243 across town, and swerve head-on towards the nearest petrol station screaming "I'm so, so sorry for foisting that troglodyte wench upon the world" before a blissful explosion firebombs the nightmare away.

Would you want to put your passengers at risk like that, John? Would you?

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Kerry Katona wants 'Dad' to take DNA test on TV show – Now