In the world of the TV talent show there's no greater star than Kelly Clarkson, which isn't really saying a lot since hardly anyone can be arsed to go and watch her sing live any more.
Kelly Clarkson – inaugural American Idol winner, star of multi award-winning box office tour de force From Kelly To Justin and performer of hits like Since U Been Gone and, um, probably some others – has just cancelled her American tour. Why? Well, Kelly Clarkson says that the pressure of touring is "just too much" for her, that's why. Oh, and she's sold pretty much zero tickets too. But don't worry, because Kelly Clarkson is bound to bounce back soon enough with that album that everyone from her record company hates so much.
Here in Britain, TV talent shows are generally regarded as a bit of a joke. When the 'stars' to emerge from shows like Pop Idol and X Factor number Gareth Gates, Shayne Ward and Leona Lewis – it's OK, you're right to not know who they are – it's hard to take it seriously. But in America it's a different thing entirely, and that's mostly down to Kelly Clarkson.
Kelly Clarkson, remember, was the first-ever winner of American Idol. Fans were hooked on her downhome country charm, powerhouse voice and the fact that she didn't look as much of a tit as that Sideshow Bob boy did. With the American Idol win – and that ropey movie – under her belt, the world was at Kelly Clarkson's feet allowing her to sell 10 million records worldwide. But something's changed.
Slowly, over the years the number of American Idol contestants who made an impression grew so large that some of Kelly Clarkson's unique selling points eroded. Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar for a film that wasn't a weak S Club 7 rip-off and Taylor Hicks stole away the psychologically-important 'incomprehensible and twitchy' crown from Kelly Clarkson. Sure, Kelly Clarkson had the mega-hit Since U Been Gone – that sounded kind of like The Strokes if The Strokes were slightly overweight talent show winners who made ruthlessly processed Swedish popsongs – but that obviously hasn't been enough, as Kelly Clarkson has had to just cancel her tour. Variety reports:
Kelly Clarkson's summer tour was canceled Thursday, and immediately, two sides of the story emerged: Clarkson said, "Touring is just too much right now"; the promoter said tickets weren't selling. "It is mind blowing when you stop to think about what Kelly Clarkson has achieved during her young career," said LiveNation CEO Michael Rapino. "But ticket sales have not been what we anticipated, and we came to the realization that we had bit off more than we could chew."
This is the exact thing that Kelly Clarkson didn't want to hear – next week Kelly Clarkson releases her new album My December, which has mainly been talked about because the head of her record label Clive Davis thought it was so awful that he wanted the whole thing scrapped. And if that wasn't enough, Kelly Clarkson recently fired her manager too.
So using basic celebrity maths we can see that bad album + cancelled tour + sacked manager = some sort of monumental Kelly Clarkson head-shaving wibbling meltdown in the next couple of months or so. But don't worry if that happens, because these talent show singers are ten a penny. And there's always the one who just won American Idol a couple of weeks ago to get behind instead.
No, we can't remember who they are, either.
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huh? says
kelly who?
john says
HAHAHA rofl .. I love your writing .. so sarcastic!
I love it!!!!
Chris Burkmenn says
I am sorry but this whole article is bogus. Ten a penny what the heck is that. I understand there is a lot of talent show winners, but none with her
voice. I am not writing this to you because I am a fan. I am writing you this because the article is so disrepectful. I am not going to change your mind
but I think that you should not write about an artist that has enarned their success. For you to put her down brings you to the level of PerezHilton.com
There is nobody out there like Clarkson right now, and I dont think anyone could do what she does. You or anyone else is more than welcome to email
me. Let me know if I am wrong cuz I’ll tell ya what I don’t know anyone that could be more down to earth than Ms. Kelly Clarkson.
Darryl says
Kelly who?
George says
Kelly Clarkson is a great singer (not ten a penny for sure), but her latest song is bad (my opinion), and good voice alone does not sell albums. She needs to stick to where she is good at (singing) and leave songwriting and promotion to people that know what they are doing. Otherwise, it is really going to be “Kelly who?”.
Robert says
From across the pond I heartily applaud your take on all this American Idol taltentless yodeling. We Americans can be so gullible it’s tragic. So please, next time you come up with a clever TV show, keep it to yourselves or send us something decent. We have all the mindless drivel we can handle. You keep Pop Idol, we’ll keep Eddie Izzard.
Tom Tuttle says
Chris, how many candles and pictures of “Ms. Kelly Clarkson” do you have in your psycho shrine?
Dante says
Oh Chris, get your head out of her ample ass. There are a dozen more talented ones that still have great voices, put on a better concert and aren’t as big headed as Yelly. She’s the only one that toured outside America. Wait till some of the better ones make it abroad. She’s a big fish in a field of one right now.
meh says
Clarkson won two Grammys in 2006, she’s sold over 8 million albums, her first album spent more than 2 years on the charts, and her latest single was a top 10 hit and is still top 20. She may not be filling arenas, but I doubt her career is over despite the speculation.
mithaearon says
But she’s shit.
Ron Ford says
Kelly Clarkson was at the Rodeo in Houston 1 1/2 years ago or so. Her voice screamed out to blow our ear drums. Awful. Well Frank Sonatra had a powerful voice, but used only the natural controled sound to win his fame. Kelly… tone it down and your career will turn around.
DiDi says
That is the problem with going to a Kelly Clarkson concert. You either get screaming and a harsh voice or you get songs that sound EXACTLY like the album. Lip synch much Kelly? Amazing what they can fix in the studio and airbrush on magazines. Where is her integrity when she allows that to happen. Blah blah on how many albums she has sang. Britney Spear’s first album sold 9 millions. Sales are not a measure of a great singer but rather how well she has been marketed. She is an ungrateful fish
meh says
The argument isn’t whether or not Clarkson is a great singer; that’s simply a matter of opinion. But her sales figures are undisputed. The point is that her career hardly is over. She’ll be around for a long time to come having made such an impact. As for Britney Spears, no matter how many meltdowns she’s had, her next album will chart. I will give you this, however: Marketing does have a lot to do with their success. But of course it does. They both are brand names at this point. Spears practically is a paparazzi industry unto herself.
olivia says
umm kelly is amazing. she doesnt need to lip sync she won american idol for crying out loud. dont get me wrong i love britney spears but the only reason why shes in the paparazzi so much is casue she does crazy things unlike kelly clarkson.i jave been to all of ther concerts….she doesnt scream..shes good…if she wasnt she wouldnt have won one of the most popular tv shows.