Kelis and Nas are great, like a sort of Kwik-Save Jay-Z and Beyonce who people stopped caring about several years ago.

Sorry, they were great. Nas and Kelis broke up this year. It was sad, but at least nothing could complicate their separation, like a shared DVD collection or a baby or anything. Wait, Nas got Kelis pregnant a few weeks before they split? Oh. Well, at least Nas and Kelis can still agree what’s best for the child.

Wait, Nas is reportedly furious with Kelis over the $40,000 a month he’s been ordered to pay to raise the baby? Oh.

Being a parent is a job fraught with responsibilities. Not only do you need to nurture your children by teaching them manners and not looking too openly disappointed when they end up writing for an entertainment blog for a living, but you also have to pay for its upbringing. Clothes, food, nappies – they all need to be paid for, and nappies are expensive.

So with that in mind it’s fair to say that Kelis’ new baby, that she only gave birth to this week, probably craps like a ruddy volcano, because her estranged husband – and father of the baby – Nas has just been ordered to shell out $40,000 a month for the tot’s nappy fund. BBC News reports:

Ms Rogers [Kelis] will receive monthly payments of $30,741 in spousal support and $9,027 to raise their son. The judge also ordered Mr Jones [Nas] to pay Ms Rogers $45,000 in fees for lawyers and an accountant. Mr Jones’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, had proposed that his client give Ms Rogers a one-off payment of $20,000 to give the judge more time to consider appropriate monthly payments.

Now, not to seem rude or anything, but that does seem like an awful lot of money to raise a baby. A baby doesn’t want much in life – nourishment, warmth, a pillow in an empty filing cabinet draw for it to sleep in – and the total cost of all that doesn’t come near the amount that Nas is paying.

And also, not to be even ruder, but how is Nas able to even afford that sum? From what we understand, all Nas really does these days is release one album with a tediously provocative title every couple of years and sit back as it sells incrementally fewer copies than the one directly preceding it. If we knew that was such a lucrative game we’d have released our hip-hop debut album I Hate Recycling ages ago.

But still, whatever we happen to think about this turn of events, at least it’s good that Nas and Kelis have managed to get involved in a bitter child support fight so early into their new son’s life. This way they’re really giving themselves a headstart on any future milestones – like the day he inadvertently enrages Nas by referring to Kelis’ new boyfriend as ‘daddy’, the day that Nas and Kelis start repeatedly trying to offset their guilt about their broken family with increasingly lavish gifts, and the day that Nas dresses up as Spider-Man and sits on a motorway bridge in a futile protest about custody arrangements. Great work, you two!

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