Want to hear something odd? Really? Go on…
Slab-faced actress Keira Knightley – she who resembles Julie Christie after a seven-hour charisma bypass operation – has admitted to bribing security guards at the recent Golden Globe Awards.
Apparently Knightley’s entourage of seven people became something of an issue. Keira-baby was only in possession of two tickets, you see, and therefore had to rack her pretty little brains in order to come up with a surefire scheme.
To give the security guards bags of crisps.
While, to the layman, this may seem something of an insane decision (almost as insane, in fact, as casting the posh-voiced talent-void in any sort of production outside of a primary school nativity) Keira Knightley’s (DVDs) cunning rouse surprised us all here at hecklerspray by actually working.
She went on to waffle:
"What’s a girl to do? I gave the security guys my best smile and confessed that there were eight of us and only two tickets. They said to me, ‘What else you got?’ and I said, ‘Well, we’ve got two packets of crisps,’ and they said, ‘ok, that’ll do.’ So we wafted into the poshest party of the night with two packets of ready salted."
Interesting, we’re sure you’ll agree. Perhaps this little shebang may even snare Keira Knightley a deal with Walkers – i.e. she could star in a series of adverts, stuffing Salt and Vinegar potato slices into her mouth and looking all pretty while does so.
At least that way she wouldn’t have to deal with any of those nasty things she has so much trouble with – you now, little issues like ’emoting’ or ‘delivering lines’ or ‘creating any sort of believable performance in any capacity whatsoever’.
So there you have it, kids. Keira Knightly snuck her friends into a party using a selection of fatty savoury snacks.
Slow news day, anyone?
[story by C J Davies]