Katy Perry Needs Black Magic To Find a Man

Katy Perry CovenWhen Katy Perry started dating (and eventually married)?Russell Brand, it made a lot of people question her decision-making abilities a bit, as well as the functionality of her nose.?? Whensshe then moved on to known douchelord John Mayer, it made us all wonder about her mental state.

Seems even Katy has realized she kind of totally sucks at choosing guys to date, so she has moved onto using some pointy hat, wart on the nose type of help.

Katy Perry was in Massachusetts this past weekend, and because?Perry is?no different from any other red-blooded American with a dark love for mass murder, she made a pit stop in Salem.? Of course the whole and only reason to go to Salem is to see some witch shit and where a bunch of women were burned to death at a stake for daring to be quirky.

While visiting, something came over Katy, and she suddenly decided that the answer to all her relationship woes was right there in Salem.? Her epiphany lead to an interesting conclusion.? Perry didn’t realize she picks self-absorbed shmucks due to low self-esteem, nor did?she resolve to have higher standards.? No, instead Perry decided to call upon the powers of some real live witches to cast a love spell on her.? Because bitch learned nothing from Teen Witch.

Crow Haven Coven let it publicly be known that Katy had them do a “love ritual” on her (hmm, even Wiccan bitches can’t stay away from publicity and a little name dropping).?? They didn’t share what was involved in the ritual, but I am thinking they made Katy burn the hair of her former lovers (you know she carries that shit on her in a vial), and ended with her drinking some eye of newt potion.

I am having visions of Katy’s next look now that she has gotten into some dark magic shit.? And it’s not pretty.

The Craft


  1. 08Nova says

    Whoe whoe slow down.. Dafuqq? Katy Perry is like the most beautiful woman in this world after my mum and she needs some magic to get involved with someone? Lol.. Has tag I don’t believe it!