Kate Moss Watches People Undress

Worried that crazy people ransacking Topshop for her exclusive line in bulimic fashion would not like her clothes, Kate Moss hid behind a mirror to spy on them and make certain.

Quite possibly the most worrying thing about this story is that London’s Oxford Street Topshop have mirrors you can hide behind in the first place. Security is no excuse. Some sweaty fat guy in brown polyester hiding behind a thin sheet of glass touching himself while poor unsuspecting shoppers adjust their unmentionables is not a comforting thought. Are these things in all the changing rooms? What about the people who like to have sex in the cubicles? Clearly somebody needs a rethink at Topshop to put the shopper first. It’s almost like they're not even encouraging shop floor copulation for God's sake, jeez.

Despite such infringements on our human rights, Kate Moss happily nestled in for a quick peep at all the kids killing themselves over a tiny silver dress made out of tin foil. She remarked:

“I was actually scared that they wouldn't like them. I really wanted to see how they reacted and I'm happy with how it went.”

If rumours are to be believed one shopper actually tore the heart out of her best friend for the last pair of Moss-branded pumps, before drop kicking it into a nearby beanie hat and yelling "By the power of Grayskull!". Surprisingly this missed the national newspapers.

What a week for busy Kate though. First she gets dissed by Jeff Banks for not being able to draw, then she has to stand in a shop window looking all moody and objectifying herself so people can stare at, whoop at and, if the price is right, hang clothes off her.

However, even if Kate Moss herself went on national TV tomorrow and said her whole Topshop collection was ‘designed for the blind undead’, it is doubtful anyone would fish out their receipt. She is safely secured of another truckload of money crapping on her doorstep anytime soon. Unidentified white powder up the nose and significant media coverage all over the world, she thanks you.

Remaining on that subject (as we will, repeatedly, until she sneezes out the truth), an unnamed source had this to say about the Kate’s in-store mirror gazing:

“It was hysterical to see Kate poking her nose out like that.”

Evidently someone unversed to the Moss/Doherty weekend barbecue scene, we assume.

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