There’s no doubt, no doubt at all, that being a supermodel is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

Forget rescuing babies from burning orphanages, or performing microsurgery on someone’s brain. Who, really, can say they spend all day grafting hard by wearing clothes and looking a bit moody. Why the government hasn’t started a ‘Models Of Bravery‘ award ceremony yet is beyond us.

Actually, despite their fabulous lifestyles and enormous bank balances, models – on the whole – do tend share the same complex: "Is this all I’m good at?"

This complex, coupled with the knowledge that soon a younger and
prettier girl will leave them in the gutter, has led to some of the
most ill-advised career switches that the world has ever seen.

That’s why the recent news that Kate Moss is due to sing on the new Babyshambles album comes as no surprise.

The stereotypical image of a model is one of a self-absorbed, immensely stupid puppet. The movie Zoolander nailed it pretty much perfectly.

Imagine that you spend all your life being told how divine you look.
But the only conversations you ever have are only about you. Wouldn’t
you want to rebel, to try something new?

This frame of mind is what led Cindy Crawford to star in ‘Fair Game‘,
genuinely one of the worst movies ever committed to film. It’s not even
‘funny-bad’. It’s ‘call-the-Samaritans-bad’. Even worse. It’s so bad
that the Internet Movie Database says "If you like this title, we also recommend ‘Blue Streak’".

Not wanting to be outdone, hecklerspray‘s favourite model-turned-brawler Naomi Campbell published a book entitled ‘Swan’ in 1995. It was about a supermodel, strangely enough. And when it flopped, it was revealed that she didn’t actually write it.

Her agent even came out with the perfect quote "Naomi’s very much
the author, but Caroline [Upcher] is the writer. That’s fair. You can’t
expect Naomi to produce a novel straight off on her own."

So that’s films and books out of the way. That leaves the section that Kate Moss is so interested in – music.

The world is littered with bad songs that models have tried to force upon us.

You’ll remember ‘Oh Yeah’ by Caprice, with it’s preposterous "It could be lonely to be me" refrain. And you probably won’t remember Naomi’s ‘Love And Tears’. Not if you’re lucky, anyway.

Kate Moss has long held a desire to be a rock and roll singer. She
hangs out at the right clubs, knows the right records to like, appears
lapdancing in videos for the right bands, has the right boyfriends. She
tries. And God loves a trier, right?

Well, we’re sure even His patience was tested when he heard her singing on Primal Scream‘s version of ‘Some Velvet Morning’. To give her some credit, she could never have reached the heights of the amazing Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood original. So she shouldn’t really have tried.

And now she’s applying the same vacant, paper-thin vocals all over the Pete Doherty song ‘Fuck Forever‘. Pete’s said to be so impressed he’s writing a duet for them both. Can we say ‘Yoko‘?

The only models that have ever produced good music are Brigitte Bardot and Jane Birkin. And that’s probably got more to do with the magic hand of Serge Gainsbourg than anything. And beautiful Italian supermodel Carla Bruni is responsible for one of the best albums of 2002, ‘Quelqu’un m’a dit’.

But generally, supermodels – stick to your day job. Because you look divine.

[story by Stuart Heritage]