Yesterday's news of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty's reported Thai marriage had us all in a spin; now that the world is short of one skinny single mother and one lanky, clam-faced, drug-hoovering single arsehole, who's left for the rest of us, dammit?
But our knickers were getting into an unnecessary twist, because Kate Moss and Pete Doherty's reported Thai non-legal wedding wasn't really a non-legal wedding at all according to a slave of Kate Moss. In fact, if Kate Moss and Pete Doherty's reported Thai non-legal wedding was anything, it was really more of a wishy-washy Thai non-legal love blessing ceremony sort of thing instead. And it might not even have been that. And that's the way it's staying, at least until Pete Doherty cleans his bloody fingernails.
Marriage is such a bore isn't it? Time was that a celebrity wedding was a grand affair, but that tradition has been destroyed in the last few months. People from TV shows got married, people from one film we can only half-remember got married and creepy middle-aged men got suspiciously married to kids from Dawson's Creek – how can marriage stand up to that? Luckily, the answer came in the form of the fake celebrity wedding. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock had all kinds of fake weddings last year, and Anna Nicole Smith fake-married the man she thinks got her pregnant too.
This trend isn't just for gigantoboobed bottle blondes, either – now Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are getting in on the act, too. Yesterday it was reported that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty got married in Thailand, even though the Buddhist ceremony they were apparently given wouldn't have made them legally married in the UK. Well, they sure tricked you – now Kate Moss' people are saying that not only was the wedding non-legally binding, but it was also not even a wedding anyway. Clear? E! Online tries to sort this big mess out:
Moss' rep Stuart Higgins denied any wedding had taken place, dismissing numerous reports that the couple had traded vows in a non-legally binding ceremony. "Contrary to various entirely false media reports today, there has not been any kind of marriage ceremony in Thailand. She is on holiday," Higgins said in a statement Tuesday… "This was not likely to be a formal wedding because Kate would have wanted all her family and friends there," a "close pal" told the Mirror. "It is much more likely to be a symbolic gesture to show everyone just how serious they are about each other."
OK, we think we've got this worked out now – if anything actually happened at all, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty might have had some kind of non-binding symbolic blessing ceremony performed on them in a language neither of them speak. That's romantic, isn't it? Perhaps Kate Moss and Pete Doherty also read vows to each other to reinforce how serious they are about their relationship. Vows like "Please don't beat up any more photographers" and "I wish you'd stop giving your hair to blokes." Probably.
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Rudy says
What about their formal wedding in London? is that still taking place? I’ve bought plenty of animal scabs to use as confetti, you see
petey d says
DOHERTY RULES