We've often wondered what Kate Moss and Pete Doherty – the world's most in-demand supermodel and a sort of dirty busker – get up to behind closed doors, but now that a video of Kate and Pete gooning around is on YouTube we can wonder no more.
And what do Kate Moss and Pete Doherty get up to behind closed doors? Well, if this new YouTube video is in any way representative, it seems that they live the life of a normal couple – Pete Doherty mongs about on a guitar all day and Kate Moss only interrupts to call Pete things like "Liar," "Fantasist," "Cunt" and "Cuntface" while kicking him in the head from time to time. We've genuinely never wanted to be Kate Moss more.
Oh, the Moss/Doherty video is below, if you're interested.
Peasants! Unable to get Glastonbury tickets this year? Upset that you won't be able to see the £100 Pete Doherty performance that's literally got a handful of idiots moderately excited? Well never mind, because there's a video of Pete Doherty singing a song with an abusive-seeming Kate Moss doing the rounds on YouTube that's causing a sensation among people who didn't think that Kate Moss could swear.
That's right, YouTube isn't just about shit videos of wankers hugging each other or skin-crawling mimes of modern day atrocities – it's equally about weird staged-looking videos of a dirty-looking junkie incomprehensibly mumbling a song in the style of a kicked dog while a woman who officially wears quite nice clothes calls him a "cuntface." Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Kate Moss/ Pete Doherty YouTube video, as described by The Mirror:
In the three-minute clip, the Babyshambles singer is seen strumming a guitar for the camera. Kate walks in, wearing only knickers under a seethrough dress. Smoking a cigarette, she yells to his strumming: "Rot in jail you cunt. Rot, rot, rot, rot, rot, rot." At one point, she says: "Sonny and Cher we're not."
This YouTube video seems to be the latest chapter in the thundering void that is Kate Moss and Pete Doherty's personal life. First Kate Moss and Pete Doherty got together, then they split up because Pete Doherty has got a tiny willy, then they got back together, then they got married but not really, then Kate Moss almost dumped Pete Doherty but not quite, then they got booted out of an awards show for necking and now there's this Kate Moss/Pete Doherty YouTube video for us to try and form an opinion about.
Ah yes, the video. As much as it seems to be trying to pass itself off as a genuine home movie of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, several things give us the impression that it's all staged. For a start, someone actually shouts the word "cut" at the end of it, and also Kate Moss says the word "fantasist" somewhere in the middle – an unusually long word for her. Prior to this YouTube video, the longest word that Kate Moss had ever used was "Num-num" in November 2002 when a waiter in a restaurant asked her what food she'd like to order.
Still, full marks to Pete Doherty for not splattering the camera with dirty junkie blood this time around.
Chances are, though, that this video of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty will be a success – last time Kate Moss made a video it broke the internet and Pete Doherty is, like, totally a poet for the way he, you know, puts words in various sequences and doesn't wash often. Anyway, here's the Kate Moss/ Pete Doherty YouTube video. Enjoy it the best you can.