Kate Moss Almost Shacked Up With Kasabian Monkey Boy

Just in case you’re reading this, Mr. Doherty (CDs): don’t panic (although to be brutally honest you’re probably not reading this … you’re more than likely off doing something ‘cool’ like injecting a socially-crippling drug or scribbling down some sixth-form poetry).

Anyway. Stay calm, Pete. Your future bride Kate Moss isn’t going anywhere.

But let’s take a look at where she has been, eh?

Apparently the dimwit twig-lady - whose daily-number-of-meals to collective-amount-of-braincells ratio is nearer than you’d think - was previously seeking a little involvement with Serge Pizzorno, he of Leicester’s Crappest Band Kasabian (CDs) (a group so unbelievably boring they make Jet (CDs) look like Godspeed You Black Emperor (CDs)).

Her advances were to no avail, however, as poor old Serge was far too ‘out of it‘ to do anything. Waffling on about his 2004 Glastonbury encounter like a 14-year-old describing how he almost snogged some girl round the back of a chip shop (but was too pissed on Kwik-Save cider), Serge bragged ‘I didn’t know if I was up or down.‘

Neither do we, Serge. But either way: you were crap. Still are, infact … except now you have ‘I failed to shag the celebrity-world equivalent of the school bike’ to add to that list of boasts you seem so intent on compiling.

Just don’t go bigging yourself up about your music, okay? Seriously … there’s only so much drivel that people will take …

More Over At Megastar

[story by C J Davies]