Kate Gosselin has the world at her feet, and a beautiful mane of hair on her head.
No, hang on. We’ve just had a quick second look and it turns out she’s actually got rolls and rolls of flaccid mimsy at her feet, and Worzel Gummidge‘s least favourite wig on her head.
Sorry for any confusion.
Kate Gosselin is the woman who has everything.
A happy family life with a couple of kids and an attentive husband, a great haircut, and a birth canal so vast and pliable it should surely be flown out to Haiti to serve as an emergency shelter.
None of those are true, of course, we’re just being facetious. Apart from the birth canal thing: it really is like a frowning sharpei’s forehead down there.
Yes, less than two weeks after the world dropped its jaw at news of Kate’s new haircut, the uncontrollable baby-factory has announced she’s not happy with it. Us reports the words of a Gosselin insider:
“She thinks her hair looks over?processed and damaged.”
Now, leaving aside the fact that having a Gosselin insider is what led to Kate’s problems in the first place, why has it taken her so long to realise the hairdo makes her look like a Barnsley stripper working the Wednesday afternoon shift? Here’s a couple of possible reasons:
a) Her kids are so devoted to their mummy that they’ve managed to hide the terrible truth from her for a fortnight by constant reassurance, or
b) She’s obviously just a completely vacuous, self obsessed idiot, because after all she let that blatant toolbag John Gosselin persuade her into having so many children that her inside ladybits now have the exact same dimensions as a squash court.
Well b) is just us being cruel and malicious. So it’s a) then, right? Back to Us for the insider’s scoop:
Twins Cara and Mady, 9,…shrieked “Eww!” when they saw their made-over mom. “They started laughing…Kate ended up in her room crying.“
Oh. Well, the damage has been done. How’s she trying to repair it?
“Kate has been trying different things, from headbands to ponytails to a Farrah Fawcett?style ‘do. She’s just not sure what she wants.”
Come on, now. Kate knows exactly what she wants: a rich old husband with a heart condition; eight nannies; and a cosmetic surgeon with a really really big knife to come and have a go ‘down there’.
And isn’t that, in the end, all any of us can ask for in life?
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GOOD GOD! This is an awful article. Whoever wrote it clearly isn’t familiar with Kate Gosselin… Geez. Funny one liners, but that’s about it. Go to the Comedy Barn. You’ll probably have more success.
You’re a jerk! a real Jerk!!! The writer of this article! Disgusting article!
Love this article….Sums her up in a nut shell lol. She should stay home and take care of her kids and leave show biz all together..
I’d like to date Kate. I would have a place to park my Hummer.
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA… oh my god. I think I teared up.
Paul….Do you not have anything better to do than slam a single mother of eight children???? This article really shows how pathetic you are!!! Your a real a**hole!!!
Wake up CINDY…..KATE wanted the divorce long before it was public! Jon tried to keep it hush hush. Poor single kate should not be living so lavishly. Your a woman, she spends more MONEY on her self than Jon’s car and apartment. TLC and KATE are preventing Jon from working. Let Kate travel, the Nannies will love those kids more than Kate…PS they just started kindergarden. I think it is great that they can be just KIDS.
She is a single mother because she drove he husband away. She is a nutcase who needs therapy NOW.
For all the kate supporters…Do any of you remember what a bitch she was on Jon and Kate plus 8? I do.