I go on bed rest with a head cold for THREE DAYS and suddenly all hell breaks loose in the land of Kardashian! Rob is Tweeting Kylie’s phone number, Chyna’s Tweeting Rob’s phone number, Rob and Chyna are broken up, Rob had a crush on Kim when he was a kid, and Kris Jenner is still trying to be the fourth Kardashian sister!
If you’re one of those people who can’t be bothered to read ever single damn article about every single damn thing this insane family gets themselves into, but still want a simple rundown on their bullshit, then this is the place for you. Let’s go over what you missed while I was hopped up on cough syrup.
Rob Tweeted Kylie’s Cell Number…For Real
Just three days ago, Rob Kardashian took to Twitter to post his little sister, Kylie’s, cell number. The whole thing seemed like a lame hacking hoax, but turns out it wasn’t! Rob even said in his tweet: ‘I ain’t hacked either this is rob dog lol’.
It didn’t take very long for the number to get disconnected, but I assume Kylie Jenner got a RIDICULOUS amount of dick pics in the 10 minutes her cell number was open to the public.
I am actually really sad I was sick in bed when Kylie’s number dropped because I would LOVE to text her, just to talk some sense into her. Like ‘Hey Girl, it’s Krysta. You don’t know me, but, like Whoopi Goldberg told Demi Moore in Ghost–a movie that came out before you were born–YOU IN DANGER GURL! You need to dump that Chester Cheeto’s Hollywood Hobo and get yourself someone with a JOB. You need to RESPECT YOURSELF. Also, my bff Emax hooked me up with Leo and Koko K from your lip kit line for my 30th bday and they’re dope af. Good job. ALSO, WHERE IS THE REAL KYLIE JENNER? DON’T PLAY WITH ME! JUSTICE FOR KYLIE!’
Funny thing is, that is probably nowhere near as crazy as some of the texts she actually got.
Anyway, after Rob Tweeted Kylie’s number, he also Tweeted:
Didn’t invite the Mother of my child to a baby shower you all were trying to throw for me!!? You all must have lost your damn minds.
So that’s apparently why he lashed out at his family, but apparently it was all a big misunderstanding and in reality he was pissed when he found out that baby shower they were throwing for him would–surprise surprise–be filmed for an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Chyna Tweets Rob’s Number…For Real
Apparently two can play that game, because last night Chyna Tweeted Rob’s cell number, then took to Snapchat to explain why.
To ensure that your man is not texting no bitches, just tweet his number out. How’s that feel, Rob?
Rob was actually standing behind her in her video and he said ‘Feels Good’ (I assume he deactivated this number asap).
Chyna continued in the video:
Get your number changed, thank you! And to all these females wanna keep texting his phone ’cause they had his number before, talkin’ about ‘You good? You and Chyna good?’ Naw, we good! We good! We straight, alright?
Are Rob and Chyna Actually Good?
Apparently these two have barely been on speaking terms for months and aren’t even living together anymore. Multiple sources are saying they’re still technically together, but not in a great place. They fight all the time and decided it was healthiest for the baby growing all up in Chyna’s womb if they just lived apart for the remainder of the pregnancy. I’m so surprised that things aren’t working out perfectly for them! Most people who date, get engaged and get pregnant after like a month usually end up so happy! I mean, getting married after a month worked out great for Khloe and Lamar! (Insert eye roll)
Rob’s Childhood Crush was…Kim?
In a preview for an upcoming episode of Rob and Chyna, they were talking about childhood crushes and Rob said Chyna loved Ricky Martin and Chyna said Rob liked Jennifer Lopez…and Kim Kardashian…AND ROB AGREED. Just when you think the Kardashians can’t get anymore self-obsessed it turns out they even keep their childhood crushes within the family…
Kris Jenner is Not a Regular Mom, she’s a COOL MOM…
Tbh, I think everything I have just written about is total bullshit, and they’re just setting up their juicy drama stories for the next season of KUWTK. So in a few months they’ll show a preview for the episode where Kylie finds out Rob tweeted her number and we’ll all be like ‘OMG I remember when that happened! Let’s watch!’
I see you, Kris Jenner, and I know your game.