Kanye West And Kim Kardashian Are Getting Pre-Divorced This Week

Kim Kardashian Kanye WestYou know, it seemed like too much time had passed since Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were blowing up on the internet.  I mean, what has it been since their last big PR incident?  A week?  5 days?  The world just didn’t seem quite right without seeing their smug plastic faces all over my Yahoo news page.

But, they’re back where they feel most comfortable- selling all their ‘private’ information to anyone willing to throw a few dollars their way.  Now, it has been leaked (sold) that these two will be getting their conscious coupling legalized in preparation for their E! sponsored wedding next month.

Somehow, Kim Kardashian is once again going to walk down the aisle.  How she has managed to get past the utter heartbreak of her fairy tale marriage to the real life Lurch ending after a lifetime (if you’re a moth) is truly inspiring.   But she has persevered, and now will be marrying Mr. Gayfish himself, Kanye West.

Of course, rumors have been flying about their nuptials, and in true Kimye fashion their wedding is supposedly going to be obnoxiously over the top and fucking stupid.  Also, totally taped by E! for Kim’s American ruining reality television show because Kanye needs to make sure Kim can continue to afford buying her own ugly ass couture onesies he dresses her up in (I am still torn on whether he dresses her the way he does for embarrassment or because he honestly believes she looks good).  The shit show is going to occur in Paris next month, and it’s going to be all about the groomzilla who I am sure will be strutting around like a peacock in heat with his white leather suit.

However, in the mean time, these two don’t feel one wedding way is really sufficient for a couple made up of so much narcissism, so they plan to get legally married in California first.  This is supposed to be a private, purely technical event, but we all know these two can’t do anything privately.   The news “somehow” leaked (I see you there in the shadows, Kris) that this is going down this weekend.  I am seeing secret iPhone snapshots of them in some judge’s office, with Kim doing her typical ugly cry face and Kanye staring at himself in the mirror as he says “I do!” making its way onto my Google Alerts by Monday.

I hope they at least remember to take North with them to this.

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