Earlier this week we became suddenly and supremely jealous of Kanye West because he was apparently going to pay thousands of pounds to transport a giant curried fish from Wales to New York for his dinner – yeah, turns out that was bollocks.
The British Raj Indian restaurant near Newport in Wales had spent a large portion of this week gibbering on about how it was going to send a curried five-foot Ayre fish to New York in a succession of helicopters, jet planes and limousines along with the restaurant's renowned chef Kaysor Ahmed in order to carefully hand-prepare a vast Indian banquet for a meeting between Kanye West and some of his entourage. Only thing is, though, Kanye West isn't in New York, there was never any meeting planned and there's now a gigantic curried fish in New York that probably should be there.
Most of us are used to celebrities doing ridiculous things – this website probably would even exist if it weren't for Britney calling herself the devil or Snoop Dogg getting on a plane with a giant cosh – so when we heard that Kanye West was spending £2000 to fly a curry from Wales, we shrugged and thought nothing more of it. You see, we figured that if Kanye West can dress up as Jesus and make a film that's only about himself, then Kanye West can fax a request off to a little-known Indian restaurant in Wales asking them to helicopter a giant curried fish thousands of miles to his house along with a chef to cook it with.
But all is not as it seems. Even though the British Raj sent Kaysor Ahmed and the enormous curried fish to New York yesterday, Kanye West's spokesman has denied that Kanye ordered the food at all, and that Kanye West wasn't even going to be in New York in the first place. BBC News reports:
A fax had been sent to the British Raj restaurant, in Rogerstone, requesting the curry. It read: "Shaun Jackson is meeting Kanye West and his people for dinner to discuss his coming to the UK in the near future, 1st of June to be exact." The restaurant prepared the feast and it was dispatched on Tuesday lunchtime by helicopter. But later in the day, West's publicist denied any meeting was planned and the star was filming in Los Angeles. When asked for an explanation, Shaun Jackson's business partner Allan Shepard said he did not know where the suggestion they were meeting with the star had come from. He said the story had been built up to be more than it was: "It's no big thing really. My company does a lot of events for celebrities."
It's a little unclear what happens now. It's thought that the British Raj has already received payment for the giant curried fish, but nobody seems to know where it has actually gone. Hopefully Kanye West will use the legendary awards tantrum behaviour that angered Evel Kinevel so much to bang some heads together and get to the bottom of the situation.
But, hey, at least we know that Kanye West is coming to the UK on June 1 now. First person to catch a giant fish, curry it and throw it onstage during a British Kanye West concert wins a prize. From Kanye, not from us. And the prize will probably be a punch in the face. But it's still a prize.
Read more:
The Fishy Tale Of 'Kanye's Curry' – BBC
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Kanye can eat all the curried fish in the world he desires – be it Trout Josh a la Taff or dried Bombay Duck, the fish of the most odoriferous kind. Read rotting footballer’s sock. Whether or not he ordered it is quite another issue, although I, for my humble part, hope he did. And I hope it was a north sea cod so that he can get pelted by the militant conservationists.
Be that as it may, his name DOES NOT mean “Only One†in Swahili! Any which way one chooses to look at it – my girlfriend is Tanzanian and she told me so. So there! Ya boo. American wannabes like to use Swahili for any name that sounds odd. Latisha, Lantaia, Fantisha, – are they Swahili? Nonononononono.
Keep dreaming y’all.