JWoww Posts Idiotic Video to Prove Her Ass is Huge

jwowwGuidette bombshell, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, formerly of The Jersey Shore, is challenging the veracity of unauthorized photos taken of her big old ass while she was hosting MTV’s New Year’s show with her midget sidekick, Snooki.

The photos, which show her ultra-mini dress hiked up to reveal a droopy bum and puckery thighs, are unflattering to say the least. Never a shrinking violet though, JWoww decided to address the photos butt-on by tweeting a video split into two segments descriptively titled “#myass part 1!!!” and “#my ass part 2!!!” If you can overlook the fact that she’s wearing lace panties, a knit cap, and high heels, she does begin the video sounding terribly authoritative and press-conferencey.

“It has come to my attention that there is a picture of my derriere going around that looks pretty vile, pretty disgusting. And to prove this picture wrong I decided to video my buttocks because you can’t photoshop a video.”

She goes on to display her ass from various angles, even offering a tasteful action shot. Her two main arguments supporting the photoshopping of the New Year’s photos are: first, that the enormous tattoo on her upper thigh should have been visible in the photos; and second, that she always wears underwear.

“FYI, I did not pull a Britney Spears and don’t wear underwear. I forever wear underwear.”

Unfortunately, it’s quite easy to refute dear Jenni’s claims. In the photos, she’s holding a cue card in her right hand which covers the tattoo. And if you look closely, as I’m sure many, many grungey old perverts (like myself) have done, you can see a nude-colored thong that appears to have missed its mark a bit. Her right cheek is drooping a little lower than the left, which seems to be the result of her thong being askew.

Jenni goes on to defend her ass with her characteristic dignity.

“I know [this ass] is not Victoria’s Secrets, but it is mine, and it took a lot of doughnuts and cheeseburgers to get this! So F-you photographer and all the outlets that actually think that that’s my ass.”

It is difficult not to appreciate her spunk, but sadly her case is hurt by the fact that three separate photographers took photos that look nearly identical. Sure, there may have been a devious conspiracy between the three to make her butt look bad … but it’s not terribly likely. It is true that Jenni’s ass doesn’t look nearly as bad in the video as it does in those photos, so it seems that she was just caught in bad lighting and at a bad angle. Case closed.

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