We love sports. Sports are awesome.
We love watching that Kobe Byrant shoot touchdowns and that guy Jessica Simpson is dating do really bad at footballing stuff when she’s watching the match. But just once instead of the quarterback yelling plays we’d like him to yell "Blue, Shimmy-two! Blue, Shimmy-two!", and see the entire offensive line bust into some dancing, boy band-style.
Well, we may be in luck because Justin Timberlake is slated to host the 16th annual ESPY awards this year on ESPN. It was a tough decision for the folks at ESPN, but this year clearly wasn’t the right time Clay Aiken. Go, JT!
The ESPYs are an annual awards show on ESPN that honour the best in professional sports over the past year. Last year LeBron James and Jimmy Kimmel hosted. LeBron James was obviously chosen for his athletic prowess, which made sense on the professional athlete side, and Jimmy Kimmel known for his fat man gut and beer-drinking prowess on the sports fan side. And who do they hire to host this year? Justin Timberlake. A spindly blonde guy that dances for a living and sings songs like Cry Me A River, which makes sense on no side.
You may know Justin Timberlake from his hit song SexyBack (also known under the alternative title Bringing My Own Faux Sense of Appeal Back) but he’s also all over the hosting circuit. A regular at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, Justin recently inducted Madonkey, er, Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The man’s a hosting machine! But the ESPYs? That’s all a bit manly. Justin Timberlake doesn’t strike us as manliest man in the room. In fact, Justin Timberlake isn’t even the manliest man in a room full of WNBA players.
So what qualifies Justin Timberlake to be the host of an awards show for professional athletes? He’s a sports fan. No, no. Make that a sports junkie. Let's let Justin speak for himself:
“I’m very excited to be hosting the 16th edition of The ESPYs. I can’t wait for the day of the show as I’m truly a sports junkie. Since the last ESPYs, there have been amazing moments in sports and I’m looking forward to recapping all of them with ESPN’s diehard fans.”
There you have it, folks. Look for the ESPY’s on ESPN sometime in June, or something. In the meantime you can catch other qualified hosts such as Rosie O’Donnell hosting America’s Next Top Model, and Cletus the Slack–Jawed Yokel guest hosting The Martha Stewart Show.
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Whorehey says
Oh my gosh, the real story here is that Justin Timberlake is a sports JUNKIE. Has anyone reached out to help him? I’d never even noticed the track marks on his arms from injecting sports into his veins! I think this calls for some intervention, boy band style. (Choreographed and in rhyme/song).
Annette Hyde says
It’s just a desperate plea for help. Ever since Lance Bass announced he was gay, Justin has been turning to destructive behaviors for attention. He should just help himself by coming out of the closet, too.
mst3kster says
Justin needs to do is wear a fedora made with tinfoil.