A few years ago The Darkness were one of the biggest bands in the country, which is strange because ironic hair metal fronted by a spandex-clad rat-faced idiot was never something we thought anyone particularly wanted to see.
However, all good things must come to an end. And some crap things like The Darkness, too. Almost exactly a year since The Darkness released their second album – and almost exactly 11 months, three weeks and six days since they realised that most people would rather take a potato peeler to their eyes than actually buy it – The Darkness lead singer Justin Hawkins has quit the band, blaming it on the fact that he's spent £150,000 on drugs over the last three years. Good job that Justin Hawkins only ever wrote one semi-decent song, then, if that's where all the royalties were going.
If there's one thing we thought we'd never see ourselves doing ever, it's siding with Jon Bon Jovi about anything. However – grudging – we'll admit that Jon Bon Jovi had a point when he said he didn't like The Darkness. No, we've gone too far. We'll come back and finish this article off once we've rolled around a room littered with broken glass, dogshit and mousetraps as punishment for thinking such terrible thoughts…
…OK, that's us taught. So anyway, Justin Hawkins from awful 1980s throwback joke band The Darkness has left the group, because apparently writing tedious knob jokes and setting them to bad ironic heavy metal tunes that won't sell any copies is bad for his drug rehabilitation. Here's what Justin Hawkins says on the matter:
"I hit absolute rock bottom. I spent over £150,000 on cocaine in three years – a frightening amount. I was consuming up to five grams a day which cost me £1,000 a week, sometimes more. I regularly used to stay up for four days at a time on coke and alcohol binges. I feel like I've lost three years of my life. I'm only just coming to terms with what has happened because I was always off my face. I feel bad for the others. It will be an upheaval. But it's time to move on. It would be damaging to stay on. I'm not blaming the band for my problem. I'm an addict."
Wow – Justin Hawkins from The Darkness was on drugs? Who'd have thought that calling every other British band crap despite being in a joke band yourself and then buggering your body up by falling off a big doughnut was the work of a drug-ravaged lunatic, eh? But look at the headline again; just because Justin Hawkins is leaving the band, it doesn't mean that The Darkness are splitting up. In fact, the members of The Darkness that aren't Justin Hawkins – Justin Hawkins' brother, the bald bassist that isn't as good as the old one with the funny moustache and whoever plays the drums – have released this statement about Justin Hawkins leaving the band:
"We're sorry that you had to find this out through the newspapers, but we were hoping until the last minute that this – Justin's exit – wasn't going to happen. We – Dan, Ed and Richie – are still in total shock and can't say at this stage what the future holds. You will hear from us, once we know what we want to do."
Well, either when they know what they want to do or when you decide you next want a Big Mac. So now that's both The Darkness and Keane that have been ravaged by drugs in recent months. Anyone else hoping that Razorlight will be next?
[story by Stuart Heritage]