Justin Bieber, it was nice knowing you.
Well, I never really got to know you, what with me not being a twelve-year-old girl who is incapable of listening to anything which doesn't reference ?txting?, pogo sticks or inserting thin sharp objects into my genitals or whatever it is that ?the youngsters? do nowadays. I can't really say it was nice either, as you were always just hovering on the edge of my awareness in an irritating way, like a vuvuzela being played a couple of streets away that you only hear when the wind is right.
So, yeah, anyway, it was sort of annoying being peripherally aware of you, that's what I'm trying to say.
Not that it matters now, of course, as you're probably going to tour in North Korea and probably going to be put to death in a violent and bloody explosion (that is already figuring in my masturbatory fantasies) within seven minutes of entering Pyongyang airspace.
The internet?s a great tool, right? You can do anything with it. You can get porn, shopping, porn, a much loved digital radio station saved, porn, funny pictures of cats, porn, a teenage pop star sent to a oppressive dictatorial regime on his latest tour, porn? the list is literally endless (although does become significantly shorter once you subtract the porn). But what about this Bieber fellow? No, he's not involved in porn ? his cheap celebrity sex tape isn't expected until about 2025 thank god. It's that other thing, about North Korea. The BBC parps:
A public vote on the Canadian singer’s My World Tour page asked users which country he should tour next, with no restrictions on the nations that could be voted on. This spurred users of imageboard website 4Chan to nominate North Korea, with the vote now turning viral. There are now almost half a million votes to send Bieber to the secretive communist nation.
For most people, going to one of the most authoritarian and tyrannical countries on the planet might be a little unnerving, but going on previous experience, he's probably unaware of North Korea?s existence, which should make for a fun time when he lands and his personal phone is taken off him and smashed into his stupid face because it can make and receive calls that haven't been personally vetted by the State Police.
In all this, people are just assuming that this is all a prank by the users of 4Chan, what with the lack of internet (and basic human rights) in North Korea. Seems that no one is entertaining the possibility that Kim Jong Il just might be the Bieber?s biggest fan – he's a big fan of American movies (although probably not Team America), and he lives right next door to a country that is one of the most internet-connected in the world.
Hell, if the country can knock up a shonky version of a nuclear weapon, they can probably trick a pre-pubescent idiot into playing for their wearing nothing but vinyl pants, half a tub of industrial lubricant and a feather boa while being surrounded by eunuchs who will lash him with spiked whips for when he goes off key or cries (god, again with the masturbatory fantasies. I'm off to take a cold shower).
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mr.cocks says
Cocks
jamie says
You are stupidly and embarrassingly pathetic. Let me start off, what has Justin Bieber done to you? Nothing. I guessed so much. Also, if you were good looking, like Justin is, and you knew that there was a market for a teen heart throb, and you knew that you would be paid millions of dollars for releasing an album, surely you would do it? No one would say no.
Grow up, and stop picking on teenagers’ that have done nothing to you.
Flangepiece says
Jamie has spoken. YOU MUST OBEY!
Anonymous says
The Bieber has no claim to fame other than the fact he still hasn’t hit puberty. It’s not celebrity material, it’s circus material. Right up there with bearded women and flying elephants. It’s strange, and so it’s popular. He is a terrible singer, and he doesn’t look hot. I’m giving the benefit of the doubt that you are a teenager, and not a dirty shotacon, but he isn’t cool, he isn’t good looking, he just has stunted growth. Puberty will hit him harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.
Pingu says
Jamie get ur head out of ur arse, u kno they don’t like that ridiculous excuse for a person so don’t read it
jamie says
If you had followed Justin on YouTube from the beginning, you would realise he has genuine talent. Listen to him singing “With You” about 4 years ago, he is good. I am not saying that everyone has to like him, but it’s unfair to pick on someone that you don’t know and who hasn’t done anything to you.
Ebent says
No need to get pissed off about opinions
Ebent says
Fuck you British asshole
Ebent says
No he isn’t a talented singer. He sounds like a retarded bird having a stroke. People hate for that reason and annoying ass fans like yourself.