Paltry, beetle-faced pop shite Justin Bieber has released more details about the tracks to feature in his undoubtedly terrible 3D film “Girls, Look At My Crotch” or “I’m A Real Boy, Honest”
Alas, full naming details are still to be released or we just can’t be bothered to remember them.
According to a number of websites, the Ellen DeGeneres wannabe has recruited Ester Dean of ‘writing songs for other people’ fame to write tracks for the movie’s soundtrack.
In an interview that probably didn’t happen and has been corrupted like a primary school game of Chinese Whispers, Dean said:
“I first met Justin with Usher at an ‘American Idol’ event. He was like, ‘Oh my God ? I’m such a fan of your songwriting!’ And I’m like, ‘You’re a fan? [laughs] I’m a fan of your music!’…”
In the wake of what we can only imagine was a lot of screaming and jumping up-and-down on sofas, Justin sat Ester down earnestly and asked her a few questions:
- “Do you have a child and is it one of my terrifying fans likely to threaten my girlfriend with some sort of shamanic curse for going anywhere near me? I’ve got enough of those.”
- “Do you honestly believe I have a penis?”
- “Will you take this money and pretend to be my friend?”
Luckily for him, Ester (who has previously written for Katy Perry, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Mary J. Blige & Chris Brown, among others) was willing to go along with all of this nonsense and took great pleasure in taking Justin’s BFF cheque.
Of course, with a Bieber BFF Cheque (real thing- google it) there’s the disclaimer that she has to be able to take flak from the over-zealous Beliebers that spend 90% of their day on the internet shouting at snide websites who write things like this.
After buying a kevlar vest and changing all her internet passwords, Ester was on her way to the bank having sold her words to the Bieber.
Other writers who have bought upgrades of their internet security packages in preparation for their collaboration with Bieber include Diane Warren (who wrote some songs for Cher in the cripplingly awful ‘Burlesque’), as well as long-time (ish) collaborator Adam Messinger who gets little or no female attention.
Of course, if he was to enjoy the attention of the Beliebers, that would probably make him some kind of pest. You know which kind of pest we’re talking about.
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