Because being Canada’s sweetheart was not a cross he wanted to bear, Justin Bieber has spent the last couple of years making terrible life choices in order to prove to the world he was too raw and tough to be anything but a G. Lawsuits, arrests, DUIs, hookers, all of these are things real tough guys like Charlie Sheen do.
But at the end of the day Bieber is still Bieber, and so in order to forget that, he also took up the habit of drinking Sizzurp, a disgusting concoction of codeine and purple drank. Supposedly though, he has finally realized trying to do shit like Lil Wayne, who has had more seizures recently than an epileptic at a Skrillex show, is a terrible idea.
Part of the reason Justin Bieber has turned into the Douchebag King is his (alleged) love of Sizzurp. I think that it is pretty fucked up to blame Sizzurp, though. All it does it cause your body to go to shit after stumbling around like a bumbling idiot, while simultaneously ruining the environment since that shit HAS to be drank in a Styrofoam cup. But to blame it for Bieber? That’s just wrong. The signs were all pointing to him being an asshole way before his “I want to be gangsta” phase began.
Now though, it’s being rumored that he has cut the crap out of his life because he is trying to be healthy and clean. Or as healthy and clean as someone who lives on a diet or marijuana, steroids, and arrogance can be (Which, spoiler alert, is not that fucking healthy). Justin has taken to going to the gym all the time, because as a dude who I allergic to shirts, homeboy cannot allow himself to have moobs.
But I guess Bieber isn’t ready to leave his dream of becoming a cracker Weezy, since he was seen hanging out with Paris Hilton the other night. For those who don’t remember the missed Grammy win that was “Good Time,” it was a train wreck of a song that Wayne produced and rapped on whle Hilton “sang” (and I use that word SO loosely). It is pretty well known Weezy did that shit just for the opportunity to bang Hilton, which makes no sense since everyone knows that all it takes is money and a little cocaine, and Paris is all yours.
I guess the lack of Sizzurp has made Bieber boring as shit though, since the one second of attention she’d garner from this hook up wasn’t even enough for Paris to stick around for long. She hung around for about a half an hour, and then disappeared quicker than Paris when she hears the word “poor people.” And that’s impressive, because Hilton is the queen of famewhoring.