Justin Bieber really wants to make the his bad boy image seem legit. He is getting arrested left and right, blowing way too much money on strippers and drugs, and now he has now started messing with Homeland Security. Which is just brilliant because if there is anyone you want to mess with, a government group with the ability to make you disappear is just an awesome choice.
At least if he keeps going the way he is, the minimum outcome we may see is Justin getting banned from traveling to the United States. As a ‘Murican, I would be so happy with that.
So Justin Bieber enjoys not only blowing his massive wealth, but polluting our air unnecessarily, so he likes to take private jets everywhere. He can’t take a commercial flight with all of its rules and laws and commoners. Oh, and God forbid some TSA agent cops a feel on Justin’s barely dropped balls! Bieber would seriously write a check with his mouth he’d never allow his bodyguard to let him cash.
So this past Friday, Bieber sashayed his way onto a private plane with his posse of misfit hoodlums (including enabler numero uno, his dad). The flight went from Canada to New Jersey, and it was apparently a shit storm from beginning to end. Bieber and his crew took it upon themselves to take full advantage of the privacy and Snoop Dogg the shit out of the cabin, to the point where the pilot and crew had to wear oxygen masks. Also acting like the classy, respectable men they are, Justin and his dad harassed the shit out of the stewardess, with Bieber asking if she wanted his sperm.
“The flight attendant stated the passengers, including Bieber and his father, Jeremy Bieber, were extremely abusive verbally and she would not work another flight with them.”
Bieber probably wanted to be fully serviced by the woman, and since she has self-respect left she totally denied his pimply ass. Justin’s education stopped the minute he got 1000 hits on his YouTube page, so he probably didn’t realize that while “stewardess” and “stripper” start with the same two letters, they are in fact different words.
When they landed, the place was checked out by both the DEA and Customs and Border Protection agents. They stepped inside and immediately had a serious craving for White Castle, but they couldn’t find any actual weed left. They questioned the group, but decided to pull Justin aside and talk to him alone because this wasn’t their first rodeo with the Biebs and “in past examinations, Bieber had become argumentative and abusive when together with his security team.” Well a duh, that’s what he pays them for. Without his boys to “hold him back!’ Justin would actually have to follow through on his threats and rants. Alone, he reverts back to the scared bitch boy we all know he is.
Justin admitted to smoking weed and drinking booze, because he doesn’t even give a fuck anymore about breaking laws. When the plane was searched by drug sniffing dogs, some luggage immediately sent them into a tizzy. There were three bags, one listed as Justin’s, one as his assistant’s, and one as his personal trainer’s. Choosing to inevitably lose their paycheck instead of fucking with the government, both the assistant and the trainer said all three bags were Justin’s and that they were forced to put their names on it. You know those were the bags that had the hard shit in it. Shady.
After Bieber left, the agents found empty weed bags in the plane, but there was no way to tie them to the reigning bad boy of the playground gang. Of course Justin would get away with hot boxing an airplane, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles for that asshole. However, New Jersey should actually be tipping off their hat a bit as a thank you. He basically flew in a giant air freshener, which the state really needs. I’d much rather smell some good ol Mary Jane in the air than garbage and Chris Christie’s swamp ass.