Just a Dash of Infectious Disease at Wolfgang Puck Catered Event

We’re so jealous of celebrities. They always have tons of people kissing their taut, tanned butts, and aren’t driven into seclusion by a mysterious, rank, highly-contagious foot fungus like we were.

They also get to go to rad parties with other ridiculously good-looking celebrities, and they always get tons of swag. You know the routine… bags stuffed with free iPods, cell phones, pimped out watches, hepatitis A…  

Well, maybe we’re not coveting that last one as much as the other stuff, but hepatitis A is what Beyonce Knowles and other top celebs were exposed to at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party on Valentine’s Day. The lovely infestation was brought to the party by one of the employees of famous chef, Wolfgang Puck, who catered the whole thing. Come to think of it, we’ve had sketchy encounters with Puck’s cuisine in the past ourselves. We got one of his pre-wrapped sandwiches that they sell at airports, but the cooler it'd been in was broken so it was all warm with soggy lettuce and it was all mushy and stuff, and then we got all gassy and bloated during the flight, which made it hard to make friends with other passengers because apparently odours don’t dissipate well in an enclosed area. Of course, that happens with most of what we eat so who really knows.

Fortunately, no Wolfgang Puck-related illnesses have been reported so far. The Health Department issued a statement saying that anyone who may have been exposed should get treatment right away. And who else was exposed, you ask? Some 13 other catered parties are at risk, but the names of those at the parties is being kept on the down low. Puck’s people say it’s for of privacy reasons, but we think it’s because famous people weren’t at those events, so if those guests are infected and die a long, grisly death, no one will be the wiser. Either that or the parties were just a ruse to cover the mafia money laundering activity taking place, as evidenced by the $50,000 worth of herbed goat cheese that was served. Not really, though.

Hopefully, everyone involved will get the treatment they need so Wolfie can get back to providing celebs with the disease-free service they deserve, and blissfully wrapping each turkey sandwich he makes carefully in Saran Wrap for convenient airport vending. But really, don’t people know how to avoid stuff like hepatitis? What are we, savages? It’s so easy, really. It’s all in the song we learned in kindergarten: 

Wash you hands after going to the bathroom.

Wash your hands after changing baby, too.

‘Cuz we don’t want to get hepatitis,

And we don’t want hepatitis to get you.

Seriously, unsanitary Wolfgang Puck employee, you can do it. We sing it out loud every time we do our business, and not only do we stay healthy, but everyone in the restroom finds the music a soothing supplement to their restroom activities.   

Read more: 

What The Puck? - TMZ