Julia Roberts Thwumps Out Another Baby

It's been three years since you've seen Julia Roberts in a new movie, and that's because Julia Roberts has had other things on her mind - namely all the babies that keep growing inside her body like the one she's just had removed.

Julia Roberts has given birth to her third child, a boy named Henry Daniel Moder. And the birth of baby Henry has now effectively ended the Hollywood career of Julia Roberts, after many of her peers expressed their disgust at Julia's ability to normally give birth to her own children rather than just adopt them from somewhere hot and poor. But all is not lost, as Julia Roberts plans to restore her reputation by taking Henry Daniel Moder to Botswana, pretending that she's just found him there, tearfully adopting him in front of the world's media and changing his name to Kakhhhhkahhkabhp just to be sure she really fits in with all the other Hollywood mothers.

Julia Roberts has never really made that much of an effort to become featured on hecklerspray very often, only cropping up now and again to remind us all of how obscenely wealthy she is or how she sometimes looks a bit homeless. Is it too much to ask that Julia Roberts occasionally shaves off all her hair or drives into oncoming traffic while blasted on pot and Vicodin? Apparently so.

And this flagrant hecklerspray-taunting by Julia Roberts even extends to the way she gives birth to her children. Did Julia Roberts go to Africa to give birth to the baby? Did Julia declare that the baby was a huge mistake? Did she give the baby the world's stupidest name and then die without anyone knowing who the father was? No. Instead, Julia Roberts quietly went away with her husband and gave birth to a baby boy and nothing more. E! Online reports:

The Oscar-winning actress gave birth Monday to her third child with husband Danny Moder, publicist Marcy Engelman confirmed to E! News. The boy, named Henry Daniel, debuted in a Los Angeles hospital weighing 8.5 pounds. "The Moder family is doing great," Engelman said in a statement. Roberts, 39, and Moder, 38, wed in July 2002 and welcomed twins Hazel and Phinnaeus in November 2004.

We will admit one thing, however - the birth of Julia Roberts' baby has left us slightly awe-struck at the constant balancing machinations of the universe. On the day that Bernard Manning died, Julia Roberts gave birth to a new child. Now, we're not saying that Bernard Manning was reincarnated into the body of Julia Roberts' son, but instead we'll reserve our judgement for when little Henry Daniel Moder disgusts his parents by telling his first "fucking Pakis" joke. It's the circle of life.

Read more:

Julia Roberts Wraps Maternity Sequel - E! Online