The Judds Are The Original Lohans

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Ashley Wynonna JuddThere are some famous hot mess families you read about in the press that make your issues with your passive aggressive mother in law seem miniscule.  I know what you’re thinking, but I am not referring to the Lohans.  While they have been the ultimate bat shit crazy family for a few years, the Judds have been owning that shit for much longer.

For multiple decades now, the Judd family has shown that fame and fortune only encourages drama and issues amongst family members.  And now it seems Wynonna has brought technology into the chaos.Depending on the week, the Judd family are either BFFs or mortal enemies.  Consisting of mom, Naomi, and sisters, Wynonna and Ashley, the trio are just a subscription full of issues.  Naomi and Wynonna are the country singing duo known as “The Judds” while Ashley has had a pretty successful television and movie career.

This family has had crazy shit going on from the start.  Naomi was a fame hungry slave driver, forcing Wynonna to tour 24/7 and mocking her for being a porker, while Ashley was left to be raised by random family members and her drug doing father.  There have been rumors of abuse, drinking, drug use, infidelity, theft, and more between this trio.   Wynonna just got hitched  last year for the millionth time (or third, but whatever) and didn’t even invite either her mother or sister.

Now, Ashley Judd has reminded us just how fucking nuts they are all by filing a police report saying that her car has been rigged with a tracking device.  And she claimed it was planted by Wynonna.  Which makes no sense, because if Wynonna was going to hunt down the whereabouts of a vehicle 24/7, a Sara Lee truck would be much more plausible.

Wynonna surprisingly doesn’t deny that she went a little Inspector Gadget on Ashley’s mini Cooper, but she does say it is a big misunderstanding.  What is so confusing to understand about sticking a big ass black box under the passenger seat to track the shit out someone?  Oh, well according to Wynonna she wasn’t actually stalking Ashley, but her own daughter, Grace.  Because sticking a GPS in your sister’s car to spy on your child is just a brilliant and totally understandable move.

What could Grace possibly be doing that Wynonna needed to get all Hulk Hogan on her ass?  In Hulk’s case, we all know that he has a creepy attachment to Brooke and needed to know every time she was sucking dick for a little studio time for her “career.”  Maybe Grace has been cheating on Wynonna’s diet with 5 Guys and Krispy Kreme.  Maybe Grace decided she needed a mother figure a little less dysfunctional than her own, albeit puffier in the face lately.

So the fact of the matter is, Wynonna was totally stalking Ashley, who probably has secret cameras in her house planted by Naomi, whose phone has been bugged by Ashley.  It’s a big whole cluster fuck of crazy that puts the trumps any of the Lohan shenanigans.

Except for Michael Lohan’s fish net shirts.  Nothing will beat that ridiculousness. When it comes to messed up families, the Judds were owning that shit way before the Lohans or The Jonas brothers.

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