Joss Stone’s Status As Corporate Whore In Danger
‘Distinctive’-voiced MOR teeny warbler Joss Stone may lose her multi-millon dollar Gap contract after shacking up
with an older boyfriend.
Joss – only 17, the poor lamb – faces trouble after reportedly moving in with 25-year-old music producer Beau Dozier.
A spokesman for Joss has hastily tried to scupper rumours of anything untoward. ‘She’s not living or staying with her boyfriend,’ it was insisted. ‘She’s in the care of his family.’
Sorry? What was that? ‘In the care of his family?’ Talk about adding a sinister twist to proceedings. It’s all too easy to imagine some warped Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre-style dinner scene, all the siblings gathered round as poor little Joss struggles to free herself amidst mad screaming requests to ‘Sing, pretty lady! Sing!’
Actually, that’s not too easy to imagine at all. That’s a really stupid idea. No-one would possibly want to hear Joss Stone sing.
What’ll be really interesting is to see how Jossy-baby handles all of this. Will she be willing to sacrifice her new career – that of dancing around, grinning and shamelessy flogging sweatshop-produced rags – for the sake of true love? Will it help that Beau Dozier – son of Motown maestro Lamont Dozier – is a milionaire in his own right?
hecklerspray doesn’t want to say anything cynical. So it just won’t say anything at all. For once.
There is one guarantee, though. If Joss does go ahead and make her soul-deadening commercial debut – however bad it may be – it will in no way even scrape the horrific heights of their current Sarah Jessica Parker campaign.
Parker struts around manically, looking for all the world like someone took one of the Jason And The Argonauts skeletons and affixed a horse’s head to it, before turning right to camera, beaming out the smile of a thousand nightmares and squawking: ‘I enjoy bee-ing a girl!!!’
We’re glad someone’s enjoying themselves, Sarah. We really are. Because no-one in the history of popular entertainment – not even slab-faced gremlin-lady Sharon Obsourne – has suffered from such a reduced reality gap. No-one so unattractive has ever dared to market themselves as being precisely the opposite …
… and even Madonna did a Gap advert …
And buy Joss Stone’s ‘Mind Body And Soul’ here
[story by C J Davies]
