Like many people, we hate it when the press forces us to stumble onstage during a music awards show, mumble incomprehensibly in a weird fake American accent, blurt out bits of Amy Winehouse songs and then release rubbish albums.

It’s a widespread problem, so thank baby Jesus that Joss Stone has finally decided to speak out about it. Joss Stone, you see, has realised that nobody in the UK actually likes her very much, thanks to the two-punch combo of an appearance at this year’s Brit Awards where she staggered around slurring things like “big love to Robbie Williams” in an inexplicable redneck accent and her last album, which wasn’t very good. But it’s not Joss Stone’s fault that she’s unable to a) talk normally or b) sing good songs – it’s all apparently the fault of the “wanker newspapers.” Quite right too – how dare newspapers report things that actually happened. Bastards.