Joss Stone: No One Likes Her, She Don’t Care

Like many people, we hate it when the press forces us to stumble onstage during a music awards show, mumble incomprehensibly in a weird fake American accent, blurt out bits of Amy Winehouse songs and then release rubbish albums.

It's a widespread problem, so thank baby Jesus that Joss Stone has finally decided to speak out about it. Joss Stone, you see, has realised that nobody in the UK actually likes her very much, thanks to the two-punch combo of an appearance at this year's Brit Awards where she staggered around slurring things like "big love to Robbie Williams" in an inexplicable redneck accent and her last album, which wasn't very good. But it's not Joss Stone's fault that she's unable to a) talk normally or b) sing good songs - it's all apparently the fault of the "wanker newspapers." Quite right too - how dare newspapers report things that actually happened. Bastards.

Joss Stone has never really been a woman troubled by reality, but then again perhaps that's what happens when you're discovered by Jane McDonald off The Cruise. Blessed with the voice of a black woman from 1920s Alabama, Joss Stone has previously won awards for being the Best Urban female, even though she comes from Devon - a county where you're classed as urban if your house has plumbing and you drive a car instead of a horse and cart. So, with a history like this, it's not a real surprise to discover that Joss Stone is away with the fairies somewhat.

This became apparent to anyone watching this year's Brit Awards where Joss Stone - ostensibly there to present an award - snatched the microphone and lurched around like your uncle at a wedding reception, telling bewildering jokes and trying to out-sing Amy Winehouse in an accent that clearly wasn't her own. And this has been the undoing of Joss Stone. Well, that and her last album, which is pretty much the tuneless sound of a fat black American woman teetering on a tightrope backed by what appears to be a Bontempi keyboard left running on the 'modern pop' preset.

At the time Joss Stone blamed the Brits incident on 'nerves', which would have been a reasonable enough excuse were it not for the fact that a couple of weeks later she did exactly the same thing at a concert until the crowd started booing her. And you can't really blame unusual behaviour like writing a 12-page album dedication to Vinnie Jones and her dog on nerves, either, can you. But as far as Joss Stone is concerned, the reason why people dislike her isn't because she's consistently so very weird, but because of the media and stuff, as Digital Spy reports:

“In a way I wasn’t surprised," she declared. "I’ve learnt that the wanker newspapers don’t build you up to be nice they do it to knock you down so there’s nothing I can do." Stone said her record label advised her to stick to the US afterwards: “They said don’t do anything in the UK because everybody hates you." I wasn’t allowed to speak, but I’m totally not shutting up any time soon - I never have and never will.”

Those bloody wanker newspapers, always building you up to knock you down again. We'd be right behind Joss Stone's decision to blame the wanker newspapers for everyone in the UK hating her, except for a couple of points - it's hard to blame the press for twisting Joss Stone's behaviour at the Brit awards, because when Joss made a national joke out of herself she did it on TV. On live TV. That everyone saw. Secondly, have you ever read a newspaper article that's built up Joss Stone? We're only asking because we don't think one actually exists.

Read more:

Stone Blames Press For Brits Shambles - DigitalSpy