We know what you’re thinking – why would Josh Duhamel even think about cheating on Fergie with a stripper?

Well, let’s count the ways. First, both Josh Duhamel and Fergie are apart a lot. Then there’s the knowledge that he’d be having sex with someone statistically less likely to burst into My Humps during orgasm. And also, if you enjoy having sex with people with a fondness for crystal meth – like Fergie does – but you don’t enjoy hearing them bang on about it all the time – like Fergie does – then where do you go? That’s right, the strip club.

Nevertheless, Josh Duhamel says that he definitely didn’t have sex with a stripper, even though the stripper says he definitely did.

What is it with the cast of Transformers, eh? First Shia LaBeouf knackers his hand in a car crash, then everyone decides that they hate Megan Fox and now Josh Duhamel – boring old Josh Duhamel, the boring one from Transformers who’s so unremittingly boring that you wouldn’t notice if he was replaced by a sheet of plywood with a jawline painted onto it – has been accused of having it off with a stripper behind his wife Fergie’s back. Next thing you know, Optimus Prime’s going to get caught jerking off a ladyboy behind a branch of Dorothy Perkins and we’ll all be done for.

But we digress. This is about Josh Duhamel, the boring husband of Fergie from Black Eyed Peas, and the accusations that he did it with a stripper in Atlanta. Apparently, according to the stripper herself, Josh Duhamel met her at the club where she works, claimed he was a porn star, took her number, invited her back to his hotel room and had it away with her while he was drunk.

Duhamel has repeatedly denied this accusation, although the stripper – a woman named Nicole Forrester – claims she has text message and polygraph results to prove that she’s telling the truth. And, as E! Online reports, she didn’t to to the press with the story, and she’s only making such a big deal about this because she doesn’t like being called a liar:

She denies feeding the story to the National Enquirer herself, saying that the tabloid came to her, offering her $500 just to come in and talk, after an anonymous tipster reported that Duhamel was bragging on the set that he had “banged a hot, blond stripper at Tattletales.”

Now we don’t know one way or the other, but from the paragraph above we think we can see where Josh Duhamel made his first mistake. He went to a strip club called Tattletales, for crying out loud. Look, Josh, we know you’re not exactly known for your towering intellect, but Tattletales? What, couldn’t you find a strip club called I Promise To Go To The Press About You While I’m Rinsing Myself Out Afterwards?

But it’s Fergie who’s the real victim here. We wonder how she’s taking it, and hope that her torment ends soon. Unless it’s caused her take a vow of silence, of course. If that’s the case then we hope her torment lasts for about a decade.

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