Jordan To Release Another Gufftastic Book

Most normal people eat chips, pies, kebabs and crisps as part of their diet.

But we’re beginning to think that former boob model Jordan uses money as a food source. At every given opportunity, she gobbles up as much cash as she can get her hands on. That’s unless she has a fetish for the Queen and just likes to gaze at her on £20 notes all day.

Whatever the case, it looks like Jordan is craving more money – she’s working on her fourth autobiography. Looks like we’ll get to find out what happened between 8am – 11pm on September 19th 2009 in one easy to read, double spaced, 72-font tome.

It doesn’t matter where you go these days, you can’t avoid Jordan. In the early days, she took off her clothes and posed for pictures that will probably not get shown to the kids when they’re grown up. Now, we’ve never been offered topless modelling work, but we can assume that doing so has a limited shelf life. Well, that’s unless you work your way from the tabloids to doing to ’20-plus’, ’30-plus’, ’40-plus’, ‘bored housewives’ and ‘Saggy Wangers’.

So, what’s coming next from Jordan’s very own line of steaming literacy turds? After her three other non-classic autobiographies, a fourth entitled I’m Still Standing is set to be published in the unfortunate future. With a title so epic, you’d imagine the content to be gripping, moving, full of heartache and telling us stories of a woman who’s suffered badly at the feet of a man. Actually, she was married to Peter Andre. That would depress us. Have you ever heard him sing?

Guess what; this book is all about the split from Peter Andre and the quick switch to tranny fighter Alex Reid. Come on, you most certainly never heard about it happening it in the papers. It was a very private affair where the media tit wasn’t sucked on until blood started coming out. So how can this book be summed up? Speaking to Now Magazine, director person Ben Dunn said:

“Her life is the most extraordinary rollercoaster.”

Indeed it is, and we’d never want to ride on it. Part of us still thinks that Jordan is confused about the whole fourth book release and is actually releasing a DVD. After all, isn’t there a camera crew constantly filming her and Peter Andre? Of course, they’re both happy to be filmed doing mundane tasks to further their career. Most of the time, the shows are filled with content where one of them slags the other off. Fascinating stuff.

By the time you read this, we assume a fifth book will have been announced that details the first few days of Jordan’s new marriage. We’ll most certainly be getting all of the editions that’ll probably come out. Audio book, large print, small print, Japanese text and brail.

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