Jordan to Become Blonde Michael Jackson

Dignity, not a word you could ever associate with Jordan. And according to her own lips age will do nothing to diminish this preconception. The rich and stupid, it seems, must never get old.

Jordan, aka Katie Price, is actually not a bad looking woman. If she were not wearing half-a-ton of industrial strength make-up and had sense enough to buy clothes that fit, she might even be deemed - and we’re out on a limb here - quite attractive.

Nevertheless, as things stand Jordan looks like a scat-tanned checkout girl in a cocktail dress. She is funny though. Her ditsy antics with similarly lobotomised hubby Peter Andre should be packaged in a DVD and given to terminally ill cancer patients.

And despite giving the impression of being in her late thirties, Jordan (Books) maintains she will remain forever twenty-something.

She told OK magazine:

"I would never want to grow old gracefully. I’d still want to look like I was in my twenties. I’m sure there will be some new inventions to help people look younger as well, you don’t know what will be around then."

Hang tight, there’s still a little left in barrel:

"You will never see me with grey hair, I will dye it if I go grey."

Not so much insight as raw intellect. Only Peter, perhaps busy toiling over the unclenching of his buttocks, could top such unparallelled discernment.

"It’s not like my forehead’s all numb or anything, it’s just that the lines have gone."

He is talking about Botox. A quick session before the Wedding of the Month and he was good to go.

"It felt like needles of aid when it was being done, but the results are great."

Both husband and wife are stable and doing well…for now. Imagining what both halves of the chemically corrupted twosome will look like as old age pensioners could pass more than just your lunch break. Hell, make a game of it and break out the crayons.

A touch of Sylvester Stallone for Andre with a liberal smattering of Jackie Collins for Jordan. The walking, talking, cavorting Barbie cast-off is definitely right about one thing:

"You don’t know what will be around then."

Too true, Jordan, too true..

In fifty years time we might even be able to cull the hopeless.

Read More:

Jordan: I will never look old - Ananova

[story by Chris Laverty]