hecklerspray can’t figure out what’s worse, that this story broke as news some time earlier this morning or that we’re gleefully re-reporting such drivel, thus giving it miles more coverage than it rightly deserves.

Ah, what do we care, you’re still reading it aren’t you?.

Streaky glamour puss Jordan (Books), or Katie Price, or Gerry and The Pacemakers, or whatever featherbrained moniker she’s adopted this month, likes to eat curries. Bhuna, Tikka, Vindaloo – whatever they are she likes to eat them.

That really is the long and the short of it.

It’s a pregnancy craving that ranks right up there with gherkins and ice cream for sheer predictably. Not that it’s Jordan’s job to scoff more interesting food for us all to write about. That said, it might help grease those recently clogged up wheels of publicity a little.

Now hold your breath, because if George Lucas (DVDs) suddenly announced a romantic softcore version of Star Wars (DVDs) entitled ‘The Poison Empire Strikes Back at My Heart’, it wouldn’t be half as big a revelation as this:

‘She (Jordan) reportedly got so desperate for one a beauty salon that staff nipped out to get her one.’ reports The Sun.

Incredible.

That presents a nice image of korma-related nail clogging and indigestion repercussions in a densely populated area.

She could have just got her puppy dog Peter Andre (CDs) to run down the local tandoori instead of making even more demands on the stressed out ‘salon staff’; after all he still owes her for saving his life. Before their I’m a Celebrity… love crumpet shenanigans, Andre was just weeks away from the lethal injection of obscurity. We’d offered to hold him down and everything.

So that must be it, surely? Nothing else we could possibly pull out of the bag regarding Jordan’s perfectly normal pregnancy curry fetish?

‘When she was with her son Harvey she craved pickled onion Monster Munch crisps and mashed potato.’

Good old Sun. If that doesn’t make you moist with excitement nothing will.

[story by Chris Laverty]