Jordan Does Something Tasteless; Nobody Shocked

hecklerspray firing-range favourite Jordan (or Katie Price should you wish to address the dingy-lipped tit monster by it’s birth name) has utterly failed to surprise anyone by announcing yet another badly-judged and pointless publicity stunt.

The wedding cake for her upcoming nuptials with Peter Andre - an event about as highly anticipated as Jimmy Carr’s autobiography or Daredevil 2: Affleck Gets Sillier - is to be baked into the shape of (guess, go on. You’ll be right) a giant pair of tits!

Tits! Do you see what she’s done there? Honestly, somebody had better go find hecklerspray a sewing kit, because we think our sides just split.

Jordan has apparently been "working on the design with a firm in Brighton, which has been told to come up with a special recipe". A special recipe, eh? Well, here are a few ideas: dog turds and broken glass, maybe? Angry wasps and boiling Polyfilla? Rotting liver and Brigitte Niesen’s pube-trimmings?

Or maybe just plain old poison will work just fine.

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[story by C J Davies]