When Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn’t running around New York unknowingly looking for his stupid musical prodigy son, he’s punching Frenchies in the face. It’s his passion, don’t you know.

Chances are you read that opening sentence and thought to yourself – “Yet another thing I have in common with that weird-eyed actor.” Well who doesn’t share that lust? Right? We absolutely love punching things that are French – be they sliced potatoes or Sarkozy ex-wives – we just want to give ‘em the ol’ salty knuckle.

Of course – we’d never do it publicly. That’s where Meyers loses us.

Chances are if you were a French man standing between Jonathan Rhys Meyers and anything that looks faintly alcoholic, you’re gonna get punched. It’s not really fair, if you think about it. After all, the French are a peace loving people who would give you absolutely anything you want. A good example of this is how they were so willing to make all their children speak German back in 1940. It’s probably a great country to border is what we’re saying.

Imagine then, if you will, the shock of a French waiter who only wants to make foreigners happy with bad food and a slight stink, but gets assaulted by an actor with a resume covered in Roger Ebert’s stomach chunks instead. It’s almost unfathomable! It’s unfair!

For the record – we don’t know exactly how a feeble Frenchman ended up on the business end of a Meyers-knuckle sandwich. What we do know, though, we learned on E!:

“For the second time in two years, the Tudors king is facing charges after an airport dustup, this time for allegedly punching a waiter at a bar in Paris’ Charles de Gaulle airport on Saturday. According to Agence France-Presse, Rhys Meyers was ordered to appear in court in September on charges of “willful violence, outrage, hitting and threatening death.”"

Would you like specifics as to the threatening death part? The actor told the waiter he was gonna gut him, fill him with helium, and then attach him with a string to that North Korean rocket that’s supposed to buzz Hawaii any day now. Very intimidating, really.

That may or may not have happened. What did happen after the French-fight is this -  according to the Sun:

“Boozy TV hunk Jonathan Rhys Meyers challenged cops to a drunken fight at an airport. He bragged how rich he was, threw euros on the floor and then told the officers: “You wanna hit me? Hit me!”"

Of course the police did hit him – but it was only with scared fingertips from a distance on a fully extended and double-gloved hand. We’re told Meyers didn’t even know they were there until his skin began to itch somewhere between 100 – 120 swats.

We think that’s what we were told. When you read as much as we do things begin to blur.

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