Jon Stewart Gets To Host The Oscars Again

There are two kinds of Oscar hosts: the ones who launch into tiresome song and dance numbers about Warren Beatty getting old at the drop of a hat, and the ones that aren't Billy Crystal - and Jon Stewart isn't Billy Crystal.

But Jon Stewart is going to be the host of the Oscars next year, it's been announced. Some may be surprised to learn that Jon Stewart has been picked to host the Oscars again, since hardly anyone watched the Oscars when he last hosted them and critics mauled his patter, but we think that Jon Stewart deserves his second chance helming the Oscars because, let's face it, last time he presented the Oscars was the year of Brokeback Mountain - and it'll be interesting how Jon Stewart performs free of the contractual obligation to make a crack about how funny gay cowboys are every 6.8 seconds.

Oscar night is probably our least favourite time of year, other than the day of our annual rabies shot, obviously. Humanity hasn't yet created an event more tedious than the Oscars, and it probably never will - from the endless throat-slitting procession on the red carpet and grating chatter about where everyone got their clothes to the actual Oscars ceremony itself, an excuse for actors to self-importantly pat themselves on the back for changing the world with their movies, even though they're essentially reading some words and getting paid millions of dollars for it.

So the choice of Oscar host is very important, because the worst that can happen is for them to actually agree with the fuckwit egotist actors and join in the circle-jerk. Thus, the two best Oscar hosts of recent years have been Chris Rock and Jon Stewart. Chris Rock famously railed on Jude Law for the entire duration of his Oscars until Sean Penn did a dirty protest in his knickers, while Jon Stewart included this peach in his opening monologue from the 2005 ceremony:

"A lot of people say that this town is too liberal, out of touch with mainstream America, an atheistic pleasure dome, a modern-day, beachfront Sodom and Gomorrah, a moral black hole where innocence is obliterated in an endless orgy of sexual gratification and greed. I don't really have a joke here. I just thought you should know a lot of people are saying that."

And despite cracks like these going way over the heads of the Oscars audience, Jon Stewart has been invited back to host the Oscars this year, as The Associated Press reports:

"I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm," Stewart said Wednesday in a statement from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. "He did a great job two years ago," Oscar telecast producer Gil Cates told The Associated Press Wednesday. "You need a host who is not afraid of the unexpected, who can stand out and really work a room and deal with a live show. Jon, of course, does that on his show every night."

Of course, the reason why Jon Stewart's last shot at hosting the Oscars failed so badly in the ratings is because all the nominated films were so laden with tiresomely weighty issues - racism in Crash, sexuality in Brokeback Mountain, freedom of the press in Good Night And Good Luck, the political influence of the oil industry in Syriana - that watching a long telecast celebrating those issues proved to be a turn-off for viewers.

But, hey, Jon Stewart won't be having any of those problems at next year's Oscars; this time potential Oscar-winners are far more lighthearted, including Charlie Wilson's War (about Afghanistan), Lions For Lambs (about the political implications of the war in Afghanistan), The Battle for Haditha (about Iraq), Redacted (about an Iraqi girl being raped by soldiers), Body Of War (about Iraq), In The Valley Of Elah (about a missing soldier home from Iraq) and Rendition (about the CIA ignoring civil liberties in the aftermath of 9/11). So Jon Stewart really has nothing to worry about - unless Alvin And The Chipmunks wins anything, of course, in which case he'll be really screwed.

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Jon Stewart Will Host Academy Awards - Associated Press