Have you noticed that everyone seems to have more of a joyous, carefree spring in their step today?
It’s all down to Jon Gosselin. Actually, that’s a lie. It’s all down to Montgomery County Circuit Judge Michael D. Mason – a man who, with no exaggeration whatsoever, has made our year. He’s hit Jon Gosselin with an injunction banning him from appearing in the media. And unless we’re wrong, this injunction lasts until April. We’ve got close to five blissful Gosselin-free months ahead of us. We’ve never been so happy.
Now, if only another judge would rule that Kate Gosselin had to be dropped into the middle of the desert with no food or water, we could die happy.
Today, truly, is the end of an era. Admittedly it was quite a crap era, where a tubby balding man with a horrific taste in shirts would routinely pop up on every single television programme on Earth and either bitch relentlessly about his estranged wife or beg for her forgiveness, depending on what he thought would net him the most headlines. It was an era of very young girlfriends and embarrassing spelling mistakes and horrific tales of jacuzzi sex, but it’s over now. For now.
Up until now, it looked like there would be no winners in the fight between Jon Gosselin and TLC. If TLC wins and Jon Gosselin is found to have breached the terms of his contract by making unauthorised media appearances, then Kate Gosselin will get to keep making Jon-less episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8, which would obviously be awful. But if Jon Gosselin wins and TLC is found to have breached child labour laws, then Jon Gosselin will have been successful at something for the first time in his life, which would be just as awful.
But now there is a winner. And it’s us. The big Jon Gosselin/ TLC skirmish isn’t scheduled to kick off until April – but until then, a judge has made it illegal for Jon Gosselin to appear in the media. No Jon Gosselin and no Jon & Kate Plus 8? Why, this is just like how life used to be, back when we were happy. We remember being happy. Usmagazine, explain:
After Thursday’s ruling, TLC issued the following statement: “The Court has validated our view that Mr. Gosselin has a valid, binding contract and that he has breached it repeatedly. Step one – getting the court to order Mr. Gosselin to comply with his contractual obligations – has been accomplished. Any further breaches going forward will be violations of a court order.”
Jon Gosselin plans to appeal this decision, but let’s assume that he’ll fail. That gives us five amazing months of radio silence from Jon Gosselin. It’s possibly the best news we’ve ever heard – but we won’t get too excited, because it obviously has its downsides. Firstly, we’re willing to bet that Jon Gosselin uses this time to write a book about how hard it is to be him. Secondly, we give it a fortnight before the lack of attention makes Jon Gosselin snap and hold up a petrol station at gunpoint, just because he knows it’ll get his mugshot on TV.
Plus Kate Gosselin is still allowed to swan around like a bad-haired nimrod. So, in retrospect, this isn’t good news at all.