It was the lawsuit that had literally everyone gripped. The biggest lawsuit of all time. It was monumental.
Yes, the McDonalds hot coffee lawsuit was huge. In other news, Jon Gosselin and TLC have been trying to sue each other lately, probably because Jon Gosselin is a dumpy, balding, badly-dressed, money-hungry narcissist who has never done a single worthwhile thing in the entire duration of his life and TLC is responsible for some of the worst television ever created. Probably.
But at least it’s all over now. Jon Gosselin and TLC have announced that they’ve finally reached a settlement. Hopefully this news will allow Jon Gosselin and TLC to put all this nastiness behind them and get on with their lives. But only so long as ‘getting on with their lives’ is code for ‘going away forever’. Otherwise we’re not really that interested.
In time, all the members of the Gosselin family will realise that they got something from Jon & Kate Plus 8. The show may have brought them such a torrent of unwanted media scrutiny that it ultimately destroyed their marriage – but look what they’ve gained.
Kate Gosselin now gets to show off her new haircuts from magazine covers, Jon Gosselin gets to sleep with women who would normally be light years out of his league and the Gosselin kids get to grow up locked into a self-perpetuating spiral of approval-seeking and habitual substance abuse brought on by the vague sense that they were responsible for the break up of their parents’ marriage. Everyone wins.
However, that’s all in the past now. Every since TLC sued Jon Gosselin for making unauthorised media appearances, and Jon Gosselin countersued by claiming that TLC was harming his career by stopping him from making unauthorised media appearances, the future of Jon & Kate Plus 8 has been bleak. And now that Gosselin and TLC have reached a settlement, it looks like the show can finally be pronounced dead. People reports:
“TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation,” the network said in a statement. “All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC. ” A source close to the situation says that the network rules out a return of the hit show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, that made the family household names.
That’s interesting, isn’t it? The whole Gosselin family are still under contract with TLC. We know that Kate Gosselin has got a new show lined up, but does this mean that Jon Gosselin will also return to the network?
We hope so. We’ve got a great idea for a vehicle for him, too – it’s a show called Jon Gosselin Will Do Anything For Money. It’d be brilliant. Every week Jon would be goaded into doing all kinds of awful things – like stripping in public, or dressing up as a baby and soiling himself in front of the mayor, or drinking bleach, or branding his children with a cattle poker shaped like a cock and balls – by a dirty-looking man waving a handful of change at him. Every episode ends with a slightly richer Jon weeping at the realisation of what a monster he’s become.
We’d watch it, anyway.
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