Very very soon, you'll be seeing more of Johnny Depp than you'd ever imagined, as Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 is released allowing Johnny Depp the chance to do his "Gee, I don't know why I'm so famous" shtick all the time.
But although Johnny Depp has entered the Hollywood big league by doing a series of comedy double takes while pretending to be Keith Richards, you'll never see him play Michael Hutchence from INXS. Despite reports to the contrary, Depp will not be playing Hutchence in a biopic of his life. And a good job too – the soundtrack would be shit, for one.
Doing biopics of dead musicians is the fast-track to winning an Oscar these days. Jamie Foxx won an Oscar for his Ray Charles film, before he smeared his good reputation up the wall with that awful album he released earlier in the year. Similarly, the Johnny Cash movie Walk The Line did well at this year's Oscars. And it's launched a string of other opportunistic music biopics from Marvin Gaye to Bob Dylan. But by far the worst idea for a biopic – yes, even worse than the Missy Elliott one – is one about Michael Hutchence that's floating around.
You know who Michael Hutchence was, he was the lead singer of INXS – one of the very worst bands in the history of recorded music – and a man whose private life consisted of having it off with Kylie, having if off with Paula Yates and then hanging himself with a belt while having a wank. And when you think about casting a film about this man, who's the first name that springs to mind? That's right: Johnny Depp.
There's a script floating around about Michael Hutchence entitled Slide Away, and reports were starting to suggest that Johnny Depp had signed up to play Hutchence, with his old girlfriend Kate Moss starring as Paula Yates. But Johnny Depp has found time in between telling everyone he wants to be a pirate forever to laugh off the reports.
"It's not true. Somebody sent that to me and I read it and thought 'Wow, that's kind of interesting'. No-one ever approached me about it. I don't think I'd be the guy to play Michael. I knew him pretty well. He was pretty broad, Michael. He was kind of a glam guy. He was like a god, like a shaman, so I don't think I'd be the guy."
We're kind of torn about the idea of a Michael Hutchence/INXS film being made. On the one hand, it's bound to be terribly undeserved exercise in hero worship about a man who pretty much made a career out of one song. But on the other hand, if the Michael Hutchence/INXS biopic is a success, there's sure to be a sequel made about the shitty reality TV show that the rest of INXS made when they realised people only liked them for Michael Hutchence.
[story by Stuart Heritage]