Film stars have lives so immensely hard that regular schmucks like us couldn't possibly comprehend. Sure, they get paid millions of dollars for dressing up as other people and dicking around, but there's so much more to it.
One giant drawback about being a Hollywood star is having to sign autographs all the time. Imagine the horror of someone coming up to you and asking you to quickly write your name on a scrap of paper. But, despite the relentless muscle-crushing labour of having to sign sign autographs, at least we all know who is the best at signing autographs is – it's lovely Johnny Depp!
There's a lot you can learn from surveys. Today alone, we've discovered that teen smoking is decreasing, that daughters in Illinois quite like their mothers and that UK food manufacturers need more automation – all from surveys. But mainly, today we've learnt that Johnny Depp is the best in the world at signing autographs.
Autograph Collector magazine has just published the results of its 14th annual Celebrity Signer survey in an attempt to discover the celebrities that excel the most at signing autographs. And the winner – just like last year – is none other than Johnny Depp, according to Autograph Collector editor Steve Cyrkin:
"Many stars become bad signers once fame and fortune hits, but not Depp. He's even signed autographs for crowds at the airport while carrying luggage."
Hot on Johnny Depp's autograph-signing heels is George Clooney, who was boosted up the rankings by the way:
"he'll joke as he signs, and make fun of how he looks in photos he's handed to autograph."
But where there's good, there's always bad, and nothing annoys Autograph Collector magazine more than a celebrity who doesn't enjoy signing autographs. And the worst celebrity at signing autographs is homeless-looking Cameron Diaz. Not because she sometimes forgets how to spell her name and forlornly writes 'Cameroon Pies' for fans instead, but because of the snippy way she treats autograph hunters:
"Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress, but she's persistently a terrible signer. Instead of just turning down a person's autograph request, she'll lecture them about how dumb autographs are."
So at least you'll know how to wind her up if you ever meet her. The appointment of Cameron Diaz as the shittest celebrity signer is good news for Russell Crowe, who would have been voted worst autograph signer, but Cyrkin says he's been much nicer to fans in the last few months. Possibly because he hasn't been scrawling his name onto a telephone and then slamming it into the autograph hunter's confused face any more.
[story by Stuart Heritage]