John Travolta, who looks alarmingly like Ke$ha, has had a baby. Of course, he hasn’t developed a womb and birthed the thing himself. If that were the case, the headline wouldn’t be quite so dismissive. Naturally, it is his wife Kelly Preston who squeezed the child out of her front bum.
If you’re interested, the child is a boy and they’ve called him Benjamin and he was born in a Florida hospital weighing 8 lbs. 3 oz.
Of course, both the parents are tremendously happy and all that hokey junk, but we’re more interested in his future, which will no doubt be riddled with jealousy of another celebrity child.
A statement from Travolta and his wife says:
“John, Kelly and their daughter Ella Bleu are ecstatic and very happy about the newest member of the family. Both mother and baby are healthy and doing beautifully.”
Kelly Preston said earlier a couple of months ago:
“I’ve been cleaning out everything in the house. Ella has been helping too. She’s looking forward to being a big sister.”
Aside from the usual sibling jealousy that blights all families, this one is a little different.
As we all know, John Travolta is a Scientology devotee. There’s many celebrities in that church/school of thought/cult/youth club for rich people. As such, slebs are the most shark-eyed, ambitious swines you’ll ever have the misfortune to meet.
And, looking in from the outside, it seems that Tom Cruise is being set-up to become the next big cheese of Scientology (or, the new David Koresh if you prefer). This means that Cruise’s child, Soupy (or whatever it is called) will be granted some kind of religious grace by other Scientology quacks.
Of course, Travolta has been in Hollywood a lot longer than Cruise, meaning that, his professional jealousy… and dare we say it, his Scientological jealousy… might rub off on his new kid who will grow up wanting to become some Chosen One ahead of Snaffles Cruise (or whatever it is called).
And so, let hecklerspray be the first to congratulate the Travolta family on their latest addition to the Church of Scientology! Long may he jump up and down like a mad fucker on the sofas of American chatshows!
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Soupy says
I thought you had gone a bit too soft lately. But here you come back with something worth reading. Keep up the good work, and remember that if something doesn’t offend anyone, it’s probably bullshit.
Maly says
The most insulting/crude/rude article I have ever read…very base…I guess some people wear their vulgarity daily to think and write like that. I am not a Scientologist. For someone to have a job writing like that doesn’t say much for our society today.
44r0n says
Making fun of the Travolta family is pretty pathetic after all they’ve been through with the loss of their son Jet. He’s a Scientologist. So what. LRH created Scientology to help people. The silent birth to the Travolta’s was obviously quite a success and they are free to practice whatever they want. I find it rather low to see that you’ve made Scientology sound like something that it’s really not.
Soupy says
You should read the old testament, some pretty freaky stuff there too! What it says about our society is that there is still someone out there that doesn’t want to buy crap only because it’s celebrity endorsed. Especially if the celebrity is just a flippin actor. At least Tom Cruise can do some acting, although I admit he is kind of creepy.
Allie. says
There’s no way John Travolta put his actual penis inside an actual vagina.
Char says
Nope! Cause he’s gay!
Jack says
Some of you low life guys sound like you have “Hate Syndrome”. it’s in the DSM Manual. You are to go to your nearest psychiatrist and get ECT with some good volts through your brain and anti depressants drugs so then you can bring yourself to suicide. You may think I’m as low as you bums, but what I’ve stated is the TRUTH.
osa handlers says
“I am not a Scientologist.”
Hmm, I wonder what the need for that qualification is? 44Ron and Jack are definitely OSA Scientologists.
Cookie Monster says
“LRH created Scientology to help people”. Uhm, actualy, no, he did not. L Ron Hubbard was a con artist. He invented Scientology to part fools and their money. His estate was worth $600 million when he died in 1986. It is true that folks are free to practise whatever stupidity they wish, so long as it doesn’t harm others. I’m afraid that Scientology fails that particular test. I have always had trouble fathoming that there are people who are dense enough to truly believe the Scientology bullshit. Tommy Cruise and Johnny Travolta do a tremendous job of showing the world that that magnitude of stupid does, indeed, exist.
Scientology student MM says
Hello, we all need your help, if you are the kind of person who is NOT like this hate monger (Mo). If you, too, have been victimized, SPEAK UP. We all need to stick together and somehow have it happen that Mo ends up on the unemployment line for a long, long time. That is my prayer/wish. Please join me in this endeavor.
…
Hate mongers are a dying breed. (I believe this to be factual, even though they sure do make a big, ugly mess of everything they touch on their way out.)
…
Along time ago, I learned that what goes around comes around. I guess they have not learned that lesson. Pity them, but do not hate them back — if you do then they win. Do not let them pull you down into a condition of hate, for the emotion of hate, itself, well; it is a self-destructive emotion, to say the least. Actually, though it might be hard to see, they are putting their negative emotions out into the society in a last ditch-effort to get our attention and help in order that somehow someone will help them control their own destructive and hate filled impulses. This is a hidden cry for help from a self-destructive person. All spiritual beings (people) are fundamentally good beings, they just have too much